A few minor corrections…

Dr. Ben Carson gave this statement today to the press regarding the revelation that despite his claims to the contrary, he did not receive a full scholarship to West Point:
“Thank you all for coming. At the advice of my campaign manager and our legal team, I would like to clear up a few misconceptions about my past.

“To start with, contrary to claims made in my autobiography, I did not single-handedly stop a group of international terrorists from killing hostages at the Nakatomi building. That was the fictional character John McLane. I apologize to Mr. Bruce Willis and would like to say that I truly enjoy his movies, including Blind Date… which is also a lie. Nobody enjoyed Blind Date.

“Secondly, on page 257, where I said, I was the daring X-wing pilot that fired the proton torpedoes that destroyed the Death Star. That is also factually incorrect. That was Luke Skywalker. Apologies to the Disney Corporation and I hope this will convince you to withdraw any pending litigation.

“Regarding page 391. I was never known as the Boy Who Lived. Nor did I train to be a wizard. That was Harry Potter. The lightning bolt ‘scar’ on my forehead was drawn with a Sharpie. Apologies to J.K.Rowling and the Sharpie corporation.

“Likewise on page 448, a minor correction: I did not carry the one ring to Mt. Doom. The only ring I’ve ever carried or worn has been my wedding ring. Which does not make me invisible. Apologies to the Tolkien Estate and New Line Cinema.

“I did not beat the Kobyashi Maru test. That was James Kirk.

“I did not stop the bad guy with a golden gun, Scaramanga, that was James Bond…

“And I was not the first apostle martyred for my faith, that was St. James.

“And lastly, I was not known as the godfather of soul, that would be James Brown… apologies to everyone named James. Thank you. There will be no questions…”

Body Armor America

Can doctor’s ask now if you own a gun?

Beaumont police officers are investigating an apparent accidental shooting Monday morning at the Christus Outpatient Pavilion located in the 700 block of 11th Street.

A witness told KCEN’s sister station 12News that a woman was in the waiting room of a medical office.  When she reached into her purse to pull out some paperwork, a gun fell out of her purse causing it to discharge. The round went through a wall and hit another patient in the hip.

The only way to stop a bad banana with a gun…

Two men were transported to the hospital after a shooting at Griner’s Supermarket in Hazel Green.

The owner of Griner’s Supermarket said a shopper’s gun fell to the floor and discharged. When it went off, the shopper and another man were hit.

American Exceptionalism, folks… stay safe, wear your vest, and duck and cover out there.

Nothing more to say…

There is really nothing to say anymore.

Two more dead bodies. Two more families crying. Friends mourning. Bodies buried. Soon to be nothing more than a statistic to most people.

Sympathies sent. So sorry. Nothing to be done. Could have happened to anyone. But it didn’t. It happened to you.

Your family just won the deadly national lottery this time. No money. Just pain to carry with you forever. Empty chair at holidays. A dinner plate left in the cupboard.

If this were a warzone, you’d get a state burial and flag, but it’s the greatest country on Earth, so you get nothing. Unless one of your neighbors brings you a casserole.

Don’t politicize it.

Don’t blame the gun.

I don’t. I blame the apologists. I blame the co-conspirators. I blame the accomplices that made it so easy for angry young men and women to arm themselves with the engine of death. Death dealing is profitable, so the cycle goes on.

A lottery with no winners, but the ones that profit from human misery.

Nothing more to say.

God damn it all.

Your handy guide to the gun control debate, brought to you by posts on my Facebook feed:

We need to stop this madness and pass stricter gun laws to try and stop these nihilists and  lunatics from getting weapons that can kill dozens of people.

Well, what about knives or cars? He could have easily killed that many people with knives and cars as he could with a gun!

No, he couldn’t. Unless you’re a ninja or a circus performer, killing someone with a knife requires you to be up close and personal or take someone by surprise. Meaning once the first body or two hit the floor, everyone could run away from the man with bloody hands.

It’s also much easier to defend against a knife than it is a gun.

And cars have a hard time going up stairs or getting into buildings.

Gun laws won’t stop every lunatic from getting a gun.

So we shouldn’t try and stop any of them?

That’s not what I’m saying, but, ah… look at Chicago and Washington DC! They have strict gun laws and a high rate of gun violence!

Yes, because it’s rather easy to leave the city limits and go get a gun where it’s easier to buy one. That is the point of calling for NATIONAL legislation that would tighten gun laws.

But the Second Amendment!?

Very few people are calling for a general gun ban. Most of us just want Congress to start dealing with the part of the amendment that calls for a “Well-Regulated” militia. That’s the part that the NRA and you guys seem to skip when quoting the 2nd amendment.

But if they take all of our guns, what will happen when America becomes a dictatorship?

That seems unlikely outside of a Red Dawn type fantasy, but if it happened, then, then I guess we’ll have to attack the military with knives and cars which you say can do just as much damage as a gun, right?

Or, you know, we’re not actually talking about taking all of your guns. So you’ll still have your shotgun and .45 to protect you from a Predator drone strike.

Well, if everyone were armed, there’d be no gun massacres there. It’s gun free zones that are the problem!

Leaving aside that Oregon allows people with concealed carry permits to carry on campus and that those who were decided not to intervene because they were too far away or didn’t want to be accidentally shot by police mistakenly believing they were the active shooter, and aside from the idea that somehow unleashing the amateur Dirty Harrys, Barney Fifes, and George Zimmermans among us will result in safer streets, and aside from the confusion it will cause the police in knowing which of the people with guns they should be shooting, and aside from the wisdom of having a shootout in a crowded theater or restaurant or even open space where bullets don’t know when to stop if they miss the target, we should probably note that despite being a rather heavily armed group of men and women, the United States army still loses many soldiers to gun fire as they patrol hostile, gun filled areas.

You can be armed and trained and still die before you even know you should draw your weapon.

What about home defense? Or the zombie apocalypse?

WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT TAKING AWAY YOUR GOD DAMNED GUNS, OKAY?! Keep your guns secured. Keep them out of the hands of toddlers and children. Don’t carry them into Chipotle. In short, be responsible.

We simply want to try and stop these nihilists and lunatics from getting their hands on weapons that can easily kill dozens of people very quickly without warning.

And if the zombie apocalypse happens, there will be an awful lot of zombies who died because of a yahoo with a gun who will probably be pissed about it. Good luck with them.

The lottery…

I’m tired.

Today, I hugged my kids a bit tighter, knowing that when I dropped them off at school, I was playing the lottery. They’ll probably make it home alright, unless their numbers come up and someone picks their school for the next massacre.

We all play it now. And we know it. In the backs of our minds, we might consider as we sit in a movie theater where the exits are in case we need to leave quickly.

As more and more places install metal detectors and do bag searches, we’re reminded of the lottery. Our numbers might come up.

Of course, there are other ways to die that come without warning. Car accidents, heart attacks, and strokes, but we can try and do something about those. We can lose weight, exercise, eat better, and drive slower and more carefully, but you can’t do anything about lottery. Not unless we want to wear body armor every day for the rest of our lives.

We’ll see the same results of the winners of this sick and twisted lottery. The survivors will mourn. Some will suffer PTSD for the rest of their lives. Their loved ones will cry, scream, curse God, and wonder why… WHY, in the name of all that is holy does this shit happen? Why do we do nothing while it happens?

Then the other voices will sound. The ones that live in fear, the ones that demand the rest of us live in fear. We can’t stop them all, so why bother trying? It’s not the gun’s fault. They could do the same thing with a knife!

But they can’t. You could fight a man with a knife and have a chance of surviving. A man with a gun will shoot you long before you reach him. Someone tried yesterday.

If only we were all armed!

A deranged fantasy we’ve all had about being a hero in a crisis situation, when in reality, in the chaos and confusion, concern for your family, who knows what they would really do? Who knows if they would have a chance. Maybe they’d die long before they knew they should draw their weapon. Maybe they would kill an innocent bystander by mistake. Maybe the police would mistake them for the shooter.

And because those that cater to our fears have the ears of our political system, we will do nothing. The bodies will be buried. The blood cleaned up. The media will move on. What has that wacky Donald Trump been up to this week? And things will calm down.

Until the next drawing of the lottery.

Then we’ll all hug our children a bit tighter and go about our business as we live under siege.

God bless America.

Who should we really be afraid of?

You wouldn’t know it from watching the GOP debate, but:

Per wikipedia, the number of Americans living within the United States who died in 2015 thanks to Islamic terror: 0. 1 person was injured. The two assailants were killed.

The number of Americans living in the United States killed by gun violence in 2013, per the CDC was 33,636.

One might look at this and wonder why Americans are so fearful of Muslims and yet so blase about gun owners.

Truly we are living in Rome…

As I got in my SUV with the Jesus fish decal yesterday with the station set to a Christian radio station, and drove to a church with a cross on the steeple and a very public sign facing the street which displayed the sermon title and bible verses the pastor would be preaching on, and took my children to Sunday School, and took my seat in the pew where we sang songs out loud about Jesus and read from our bibles, I realized just how persecuted Christianity is in this country: which is, not at all.

Total Truth: I don’t have a Jesus fish decal on my SUV. But everything else is true.