Fall TV Preview: CBS and the rest…


Vegas

Dennis Quaid and Michael Chikliss battle it out in 1960’s era Las Vegas? Shut up and take my money. Oh… it’s free? Even better.

KHAAAAAAAAAN!!!
“What is it, Bill?”
“We’re. Heading. To. Mortons. For lunch. Would. You. Like. to carpool?”

Elementary

It’s a modern adaptation of Sherlock Holmes that doesn’t star Benedict Cumberbatch (winner of the award for the most British name in history) or Robert Downey Jr., and replaces Martin Freeman and Jude Law with Lucy Liu in the role of Watson.

If you’re not watching the BBC (PBS over here in the States) version of Sherlock, you’re doing yourself a disservice. Stop reading this and go watch it now. You can stream Series 1 on Netflix. I’ll wait.

Back? Okay, how awesome is that show? Do you really think CBS can do better than that or do you think this will turn into the Mentalist 2.0 as another procedural law and order show starring a brilliant douchebag.

Yeah, me too.

It’ll also probably be the breakout hit of the season and stick around for ten years.

Look, we’re really sorry about the whole Tea thing, alright, now please just leave our television shows alone.

Partners

From TV Guide:

Will & Grace creators David Kohan and Max Mutchnick give us another pair of straight and gay BFFs, but this time, it’s a bromance!”

Everything about that sentence makes me think I’d enjoy thirty minutes of punching myself in the face more than this show.

Made in Jersey

Oh, sweet friggin’ Buddha. Stop it, people. Just… stop… it. You’re making me root for the Apocalypse.

And on to the  CW, the unholy love Frankenstein’s monster that was unleashed from the composite parts of the old crappy UPN and WB networks which then smashed the laboratory, broke through a solid stone wall,  proceeded to terrorize viewers everywhere with vapid programs full of insipid teen angst about pretty people having pretty people problems.

Beauty and the Beast

Kristin Kruek stars as a young woman who becomes romantically involved with a tall, dark outsider who harbors a secret. Every week she gets into trouble and it’s up to her mysterious man to save her.

If all of this sounds familiar to you, then you have my sympathies, fellow Smallville victim- er, viewer.

This was me after watching only one season of Smallville.
There were ten seasons. Ten. It made me doubt the existence of a benevolent creator.

It’s a remake of the long running CBS series from the 80’s that starred Linda Hamilton and Ron Perlman. And right off the bat, when you’re losing Ron Perlman, I’m deducting at least one star from your score. Recycle the worst bits of Smallville with the secrets and the angsty “will they, won’t they” crap and I can safely maintain my embargo of all things CW.

Emily Owens, M.D.

Another medical drama which sounds like Grey’s Anatomy, but on the CW, so you know right off of the bat this is going to be worse, which, I know, is a bit like saying that jumping out of an airplane at 30,000 feet without a parachute is going to be worse than jumping off of a 5 story building, but you know.

Run away! Run away!

Arrow

This on the other hand. Oh, this, this might get me to watch.

Grim! Gritty! Dark! Edgy! It’s EXTREME!

It’s a guy named Oliver Queen shooting people with arrows. But it’s not the Green Arrow, it’s ARROW! I bet he does Parkour. Kids love the Parkour.

Oliver Queen returns home after spending years on an island honing his hunting and archery skills and decides to become a vigilante by night. By day, he deals with readjusting from dealing with actual problems like starvation, dehydration, to dealing with the aforementioned CW problems like trying to get his girlfriend back after sleeping with her sister who died when the ship they were on sank.

Everything about this screams television so bad it becomes awesome. Which is why I’m giving it:

The Shatner!

Ben and Kate

A laid-back guy moves in with his sister to help raise her daughter. Hilarity ensues…?

Maybe….?

The Mindy Project

A single doctor tries to find love while working a demanding job.

This sounds like every romantic comedy ever made, but stretched out into a weekly show. Meh.

The Mob Doctor

The story of a doctor who ends up owing the local mob and is forced to help them out while worrying about little things like her patients putting a cement block on her feet and dumping her into the ocean.

I don’t know. I’ve got a bad feeling about this.

The entire Fox line up gets the same rating, I think:

Yawn.

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One thought on “Fall TV Preview: CBS and the rest…

  1. Pingback: 2012 TV Season New and Returning Shows What Are The Odds For Survival « tvhappyplace

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