New Movies


Entering theaters this week:

Oz the Great and Powerful

Stars: Harry Osborn, the Mummy girl, the girl from Dawson’s Creek who didn’t marry into Scientology, and Meg from Family Guy; and the doctor from Scrubs

Plot: Disney has literally taken over your television lately, so I’m guessing everyone but the Amish know what this is about.

James Franco, who appears to be making a career out of playing guys whose names could be shortened to Oz, gets swept up via tornado to the magical land of Oz, which given how tornadoes work, I’m guessing this is all a severe hallucination as he lays broken, bleeding, and about to die crushed under an RV.

Rotten Tomatoes score:  59% (rotten)

My thoughts: Meh… I saw the Alice in Wonderland remake, and I imagine this is up that alley. I’m going tomorrow night on a date night nonetheless.

Dead Man Down

Stars: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo;  that Irish actor who isn’t Liam Neeson whose movies I’ve seen and enjoyed, but for some reason the only role I can recall of his is as Bullseye in the crappy Daredevil film, and Rhodie from Iron Man before they recast him hoping that no one would notice.

Plot: Bullseye works for Rhodie, who wants him to do something appropriately evil to Dragon Tattoo, but Bullseye falls for her, develops a newfound respect for life which he demonstrates by teaming up with her to kill all the peoples, but especially Rhodie.

Rotten Tomatoes Score:  41% (Rotten)

My thoughts: This movie is less like Deja Vu and more like I’ve been trapped in a Groundhog’s Day style time loop where I’ve seen it 1,000x before.

Emperor:

Stars: Old grumpy K; Jack from Lost; Memoirs of a Geisha

Plot: General MacArthur (Grumpy K) tasks Jack to find out whether or not the Japanese Emperor should be hanged as a war criminal, while Jack goes out to find the exchange student he met years ago, and… dear God, this sounds like as much fun as watching a test pattern.

Rotten Tomatoes score:  31% (Rotten)

My thoughts: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s