Nerd News Roundup


An unnecessary remake, a really unnecessary remake, a sequel that tries to fix everything an unnecessary sequel screwed up, and, yes… an unnecessary remake.

facepalm

Escape from New York

Well, it’s been 32 years… God, I am old… so, to be fair, this isn’t that surprising, I suppose.

Joel Silver‘s Silver Pictures has joined forces with Studio Canal to build a new franchise with a retelling of Escape From New York. The 1981 John Carpenter original starred Kurt Russell as Snake Plissken, a tough convict dropped into a futuristic New York that has been turned into a post-apocalyptic maximum security prison. He’s charged with rescuing the president (Donald Pleasence), who is held hostage by the prison kingpin (Isaac Hayes) after his plane crashes within the city walls. Snake’s offered a pardon if he’s successful, but fitted with a lethal device that will kill him if he tries to run or misses the deadline.

I can’t imagine this doing well. Fans of the original are not going to line up for an unnecessary remake starring, I don’t know, Jeremy Renner. Younger people have probably never heard of the original unless they’re film lovers. And New York isn’t the dystopian hellhole it was back in the 70’s and early 80’s where it seemed likely that eventually the US might just give up on trying to clean up the city and turn it into Alcatraz East.

But, there you go.

The Count of Monte Cristo

Sigh…

According to The Hollywood Reporter, Dumas’ The Count of Monte Cristo will receive a “graphic novel” update for contemporary audiences directed by David Goyer, whose last character retoolings include his script for Zack Snyder’s upcoming Man of Steel reboot and his written/directorial fantasy fiction retelling of Leonardo Da Vinci’s life in Starz’s Da Vinci’s Demons. Did we mention he also helped write Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy? Regardless of how one feels about any of those projects, the thing really sinking expectations here are Goyer’s past directorial efforts, including The Unborn, The Invisible, Zig Zag and Blade: Trinity – all extremely forgettable films.

This Monte Cristo has been scripted by Michael Robert Johnson, who was also responsible for Guy Ritchie’s modernized take on Sherlock Holmes, as well as Paul W.S. Anderson’s upcoming epic Pompeii. Unfortunately, Monte Cristo’s production company Constantin has also produced many other films with Anderson’s name attached it them, including his recent take on The Three Musketeers.

Did I say, “Sigh…” I meant:

aFv1g

The Count of Monte Cristo happens to be one of my favorite books and I cannot fathom why Hollywood will not just let poor Alexandre Dumas rest in peace.

The Three Musketeers was a long novel about court politics and how four friends navigated through them, while adventuring and performing heroics. Cardinal Richelieu was only an enemy in the sense that he was one of the major power brokers and his men clashed with the king’s guard and he wished to take the queen down a notch because she was having an affair with the Duke of Buckingham. I found it entertaining and enjoyable.

And look what they did to that movie.

It’s a faithful adaptation in the same way that road kill can be said to be a faithful adaptation of a squirrel.

It’s a faithful adaptation in the same way that road kill can be said to be a faithful adaptation of a squirrel.

X-men

Bryan Singer gives me an early Christmas present by letting fans know that he’s aware that X-men 3 sucked and will be using the time travel device of Days of Future Past to correct some things.

There are parts of X-Men 3… it isn’t what I would have done, but parts of it, I liked. Ellen Page was something I liked in X-Men 3 and I’m bringing her to Days of Future Past. Certain things are different. There was a lot going on in it and I wasn’t so happy with so many people dying, but then there were some really sweet moments with that kid, the cure kid… I said I’ll “fix a few things” [with Days of Future Past]. It won’t be its primary function but there will be some fixing. It’s a really cool story, and incidentally, it facilitates all of these characters. They weren’t just thrown in there. And they all play a fun role. I want there to be some humor and some fun. In Days of Future Past there are some genuinely [great] things in it. I can’t wait, and I know they will be fun to shoot. I want to keep that humour [because] the thing about X-Men is that the themes are serious, but the film doesn’t need to be…

Godzilla

Speaking of things that Hollywood refuses to let rest in peace, there’s another Godzilla movie coming.

Let it go, guys. Let it go.

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