Jack in the Box: Barbeque Really Big Chicken Sandwich
I think this isn’t a new menu item as much as it is an item returning to the menu after a McRib like hiatus, presumably to rest, gather its unholy strength and rise from the grave anew to spread terror and mayhem in its wake.
But I went ahead and ordered it anyway, because… it’s a really big chicken sandwich, well… not really. It was actually sort of letdown.
It’s a value sized chicken sandwich on a smaller hamburger-style bun, with two breaded chicken patties instead of one, and two small strips of bacon, barbeque sauce, and grilled onions.
Not as big as the advertisements would make you believe.
Okay, okay, so I’m used to this by now. Pictures of food are never reflective of what you actually get in the box from the drive thru window.
So first bite: The breading on the chicken is soggy, not crispy, so what I’m getting is rather akin to a breading sandwich with BBQ sauce. The chicken flavor is lost, so as to be non-existent. Something that might have been a chicken at one point might have been here, but that has been bludgeoned into submission by its bread coating.
Alas, poor Clucky…
It’s moist, soggy breading between two slices of bread with BBQ sauce.
I hit bacon on my next bite, but bacon can’t really save this. Seriously… the breading. I might have been able to deal with it if the chicken patties were crispy and the breading had a different texture than the bread itself, but no. It all blends together into your mouth and makes you wish for a pickle or cole slaw or something that will rescue you from this flavorless breading sandwich.
But there is nothing there. My soul begins to leave my body. I see the world and my place within it. The constant interactions of us all day to day, our small, but significant impacts upon one another. As I continue, I realize that all of us are connected as a small point of existence within a greater sphere of non-existence. Our world connected with other worlds, our solar system connected within the greater existence of our galaxy, galaxies moving about the universe, merging, tearing apart, being born, dying, continuing onward in the greater harmony of the universe. I take another bite and move beyond this universe into every universe that exists. The infinite possibilities, the infinite variations of matter, energy, places where such concepts are meaningless and time is a fictional construct of the soul seeking permanence. Another bite, I finally move beyond the universe into the great expanse where there is nothing. The absence of flavor has led me here to Nirvana.
One thought struggles to surface in this absence of everything: it’s really, really boring here and there is no TV.
I return from my out of body experience with the realization that I’m not all that fond of this sandwich. I still have half left however, so I contemplated offering the rest to my wife in exchange for half of her Jack’s Big Stack burger, which seemed like a marked improvement despite my lukewarm feelings for it, but decided I liked my wife too much to risk a divorce for deliberately assaulting her taste buds.
I finish the sandwich and make a return trip to Nirvana. I passed Deadpool on the way back, he gives me a thumbs up. Weird.
Your metaphysical spiritual experience may vary, but I would just forego it and order the Jack’s Spicy Chicken sandwich instead. Avoid this one and let it go away once again to its unholy resting place. Such a thing is not meant to be in this universe.