Fast Food Review: Carl’s Jr. Buffalo Blue Cheese Burger

I have long been of the opinion that Carl’s Jr. just does not give a damn. If you want to worry about calories and cholesterol and fat, go to a ‘vegan’ restaurant and eat a salad dressed in the tears of the ‘vegan’ chef who is emotionally devastated about hurting a plant, you filthy communist hippie. There will be none of that crap here. We may put lettuce on a sandwich, but it’ll be covered in mayo, thousand island, and a ½ lb of ground beef, as God intended. It’s a restaurant so manly, women will frequently get pregnant just by driving past it. And their offspring will leap out of the womb with a full beard ready to throttle any doctor dumb enough to try to spank their behinds.

My only regret when I eat there is that I didn’t get to kill, dress, and cook up Bessie myself and make myself a nice pair of boots from her hide.

It's a little rare, better throw her back on the fire for a few more minutes.

It’s a little rare, better throw her back on the fire for a few more minutes.

So I jumped at the chance to try their new burger: The Buffalo Blue Cheese burger


I’m disappointed in you, Carl’s Jr. I expected more from you than this.

No, I’m not disappointed in the burger. The burger is good. I got the single burger (it also comes in double and six dollar sized [which is fast becoming less an ironic name and more an actual description of the price]) It’s topped with lettuce, tomato, pickle, red onions, Swiss cheese, blue cheese crumbles, and Frank’s Red Hot sauce.  The burger patty was a bit dry, but the amount of hot sauce and melted blue cheese made up for that. The hot sauce is tangy and adds a bit of heat that is balanced by the salty, creamy bite of the blue cheese. The crisp red onions add nice texture to the burger and overall the end product is a damn tasty burger.

I am a huge blue cheese lover, so I really recommend the burger, some of you aren’t. We used to chase your kind out of town, but now Johnny Law says I have to be ‘tolerant’ and ‘understanding’ and ‘not run around punching liberal pansies in the face or I get the ankle bracelet again’, so some of you may find the burger not to your liking, in which case I would recommend the aforementioned salad bathed in tears at the ‘vegan’ place… or maybe just a Famous Star. It’s sort of the same burger anyway with ketchup and thousand island in place of the hot sauce and blue cheese.

No, the burger is good. The reason I’m disappointed is that when I heard there was a buffalo blue cheese burger from Carl’s Jr. I expected more. Not just cheese and hot sauce, but an actual order of buffalo wings plated right on top of a giant mound of ground beef and smothered in blue cheese dressing. You’re supposed to not give a damn, guys, and I think by not adding more dead animal to your burger that you’re starting to go soft on me.

Probably start putting salads on your menu…

What’s that?


Oh, man… I think I’m going to puke…

3 thoughts on “Fast Food Review: Carl’s Jr. Buffalo Blue Cheese Burger

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