Nerd News Roundup


Constantine

A new TV show is in development for the Constantine character for NBC. The snide, sarcastic, chain smoking British sorcerer would be a good fit, I think. NBC already has a modest hit with their supernatural show Grimm, so could always pair the two shows up on the same night.

There was a movie that was loosely based on the character that starred the non-British, non-snide, non-sarcastic Keanu Reeves, but I wouldn’t bother looking for it. I’m pretty sure Constantine creator Alan Moore bought up all the copies of the film, DVDs, and negatives and burned them in a sacrifice to the Great Old Ones.

He had nothing against the movie, per se, sacrificing to the Dark Ones is just the sort of thing he does on Tuesdays.

He had nothing against the movie, per se, sacrificing to the Dark Ones is just the sort of thing he does on Tuesdays.

Jurassic World

Chugging along under the power of its own irrelevance, this movie continues to ooze forward into our world, smelling of the recycled popcorn and putrid butter of past movies, a sort of unstoppable force of horror set to inflict upon us one more bad movie.

And while I am a sucker for redheads, there is nothing that could make me watch this movie.

Funny story, my wife uses one of these for me whenever she wants to watch a rom-com.

Funny story, my wife uses one of these for me whenever she wants to watch a rom-com.

Trans4mers

I think Michael Bay might be following the Bill Shatner character arc, in that he’s starting to get the jokes people make about him and is embracing them. Hence this official photo from the set of his Transformers movie with explosions and Bay gripping the camera like he’s a WWII machine gunner about to mow down a platoon of Germans.

Transformers

EA Sports

Bad news for fans of EA Sports…

Yes! You there!

Yes! You there!

They’ve canceled all future NCAA sports titles. They’re involved in litigation currently because, well, after Mississippi finally got around to ratifying the 13th amendment, the NCAA is the final place in America run by people who think other people should work and make lot of money for their business without the people running the business having to pay any of them, and the people doing the work are objecting to that with lawyers.

Left Behind

Nerd News and religious collide, As the makers of the “Left Behind” videogame engage in some creative Enron-style accounting and get charged with fraud by the SEC.

The creator of a video game based on the popular Christian “Left Behind” novel series and his friend have been charged with scheming to inflate the company’s revenue by nearly 1,300 percent, U.S. regulators announced Wednesday…

According to the SEC’s allegations, Lyndon and Zaucha made a “last ditch” effort to save the struggling company in 2009.

After issuing 1.7 billion shares in stock, the SEC said Zaucha sold most of it for $4.6 million, roughly $3.3 million of which was later kicked back to the company in a variety of ways.

One such example, the SEC said, was when in December 2010 Zaucha formed a company and used the stock sale proceeds to buy $1.38 million in obsolete Left Behind Games inventory.

Zaucha’s company then gave most of the products away to churches and religious groups, while Left Behind went on to recognize the transaction as revenue.

My prediction: he goes to jail, finds Jesus again, writes a book about the experience, and is quickly back on the Christian entertainment/ministry/lecture circuit making money again in no time.

Movies opening this week:

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2

  • Rated: PG
  • Aimed at: Kids, Parents of small kids
  • Premise: Look, kids! Cute food animals that we can marketize. Demand that your parents take you to the movies and buy you all the Happy Meals until you collect them all. Collect them all, yes. You wouldn’t want your little Strawberry person to be all alone, would you? She misses her friends. Buy them all. Yes, yes… Give us all the money… MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

Rush:

  • Rated: R
  • Aimed At: Guys who like fast cars, Guys (and girls) who like staring at Olivia Wilde, Girls (and guys) who like staring at Chris Hemsworth
  • Premise:  A Ron Howard movie looking at Formula 1 racing in the 1970s.

Don Jon

  • Rated: R
  • Aimed At: Romantic-comedy drama watchers?
  • Premise:  Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a guy who dates a different woman every weekend, and is an avid porn watcher. He meets Scarlett Johansson and the two try and forge a relationship despite all of the unrealistic expectations they bring with them into the relationship.

Baggage Claim

  • Rated: PG-13
  • Aimed At: Judging from the Rotten Tomato score: masochists
  • Premise:  A woman wants to get engaged before her little sister’s wedding. Since she’s a flight attendant, she flies from city to city trying to re-engage Ex’s and find herself a man before… Cripes, was this written back in Old Testament days when there was actual cultural shame attached to being the unmarried older sister?

Metallica Through the Never

  • Rated: R
  • Aimed At: Metallic fans
  • Premise: It’s a Metallic concert blended together with a fictional story.
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