Well, it’s been a while, I guess. I still intend to get through the gospels. Hopefully this year.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my journey lately from hardcore fundamentalist Christian, to a doubting Christian certain that studying the bible would resolve my questions, to becoming more convinced that Christianity as I was taught and practiced was complete bullocks.
That might sound like I’m flirting with agnosticism, but I’m not.
I know the bible isn’t inerrant now. That there is evidence from the text that some parts of it were put together from various sources and written and re-written by scribes with their own political or nationalist agenda. That the Genesis stories are just that: stories, and that the law of Moses is full of objectionable material that I can no longer reconcile with the idea of a just and loving God.
But I still remain a Christian, albeit a progressive one, for two reasons.
First, I remain a Christian, because I have seen God work in my own life and I’ve seen the miraculous happen. Now I know that’s not very compelling, but it’s my own personal experience.
Secondly, I still believe in Jesus. I believe in the kingdom he preached and the live he lived. I believe in a kingdom where peace reigns. Where men no longer kill one another for any reason. Where the forgotten and outcast are treated like kings and the wealthy are treated like everyone else. Where the sick are healed whether or not they can afford it. Where there is justice for wrongdoing, but mercy and compassion for the penitent. Where the “other” is seen as family and treated like a brother.
Where there is no one going to bed hungry. Where no one dies alone. Where men and women are no longer seen as a commodity to be used and discarded.
I still believe in the resurrection where every day is new. Where every day is a chance to put the past mistakes behind us, and where we can start anew.
I still believe in a place where every man and woman is a Good Samaritan to each other. Where they each put one another above themselves and where love reigns.
I still believe that is the kingdom Jesus was calling us to work towards. Not some pie in the sky afterlife, but something real and tangible in this life.
So yes, intellectually, I know the reasons why I should disbelief and the reasons why I should doubt, But I still believe.