Your handy guide to the gun control debate, brought to you by posts on my Facebook feed:

We need to stop this madness and pass stricter gun laws to try and stop these nihilists and  lunatics from getting weapons that can kill dozens of people.

Well, what about knives or cars? He could have easily killed that many people with knives and cars as he could with a gun!

No, he couldn’t. Unless you’re a ninja or a circus performer, killing someone with a knife requires you to be up close and personal or take someone by surprise. Meaning once the first body or two hit the floor, everyone could run away from the man with bloody hands.

It’s also much easier to defend against a knife than it is a gun.

And cars have a hard time going up stairs or getting into buildings.

Gun laws won’t stop every lunatic from getting a gun.

So we shouldn’t try and stop any of them?

That’s not what I’m saying, but, ah… look at Chicago and Washington DC! They have strict gun laws and a high rate of gun violence!

Yes, because it’s rather easy to leave the city limits and go get a gun where it’s easier to buy one. That is the point of calling for NATIONAL legislation that would tighten gun laws.

But the Second Amendment!?

Very few people are calling for a general gun ban. Most of us just want Congress to start dealing with the part of the amendment that calls for a “Well-Regulated” militia. That’s the part that the NRA and you guys seem to skip when quoting the 2nd amendment.

But if they take all of our guns, what will happen when America becomes a dictatorship?

That seems unlikely outside of a Red Dawn type fantasy, but if it happened, then, then I guess we’ll have to attack the military with knives and cars which you say can do just as much damage as a gun, right?

Or, you know, we’re not actually talking about taking all of your guns. So you’ll still have your shotgun and .45 to protect you from a Predator drone strike.

Well, if everyone were armed, there’d be no gun massacres there. It’s gun free zones that are the problem!

Leaving aside that Oregon allows people with concealed carry permits to carry on campus and that those who were decided not to intervene because they were too far away or didn’t want to be accidentally shot by police mistakenly believing they were the active shooter, and aside from the idea that somehow unleashing the amateur Dirty Harrys, Barney Fifes, and George Zimmermans among us will result in safer streets, and aside from the confusion it will cause the police in knowing which of the people with guns they should be shooting, and aside from the wisdom of having a shootout in a crowded theater or restaurant or even open space where bullets don’t know when to stop if they miss the target, we should probably note that despite being a rather heavily armed group of men and women, the United States army still loses many soldiers to gun fire as they patrol hostile, gun filled areas.

You can be armed and trained and still die before you even know you should draw your weapon.

What about home defense? Or the zombie apocalypse?

WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT TAKING AWAY YOUR GOD DAMNED GUNS, OKAY?! Keep your guns secured. Keep them out of the hands of toddlers and children. Don’t carry them into Chipotle. In short, be responsible.

We simply want to try and stop these nihilists and lunatics from getting their hands on weapons that can easily kill dozens of people very quickly without warning.

And if the zombie apocalypse happens, there will be an awful lot of zombies who died because of a yahoo with a gun who will probably be pissed about it. Good luck with them.


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