The TL:DR Bible: Proverbs 10-11


We hit the speed bump today as Solomon decides to just start throwing a bunch of short sayings together making it difficult to summarize.

Solomon is still a jerk, is what I’m saying.

Chapter 10:

  • Smart kids make their parents proud, dumb kids make them ashamed.
  • Stealing doesn’t prosper (unless you’re a banker), but doing good will keep you from death.
  • God doesn’t allow good people to starve…(Wow…that’s just not true.)
  • Doing a half-assed job will make you poor, but doing a good job will make you rich… (also, not always true.)
  • If you work hard during harvest, you’re smart. If you leave your crops to rot because you’re too lazy, you’re an idiot.
  • Righteous people are awesome, wicked people suck.
  • Wise people receive instruction. Fools always talk.
  • People will find out about your sins.
  • Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks for good or ill.
  • Hatred causes enmity (ya think?) but love forgives.
  • Wise people speak wise words, but fools will be caned.
  • The rich man’s wealth is his security, the poor man’s suffering is his poverty… (This is the wisest man on Earth?)
  • The righteous will be given life, the wicked punishment.
  • Righteous people speak good words. Wicked people are fools.
  • Lazy people are bad employees.
  • If you do what is right, you’ll be blessed. If you don’t, you’ll be cursed. (Job: WRONG!)

 

Chapter 11:

  • God likes honest business practices. Yeah… I’m looking at you Joel the Grocer. We all know you weigh your scales, you miserable cheat.
  • Pride comes before a fall. Humility is wisdom.
  • Your wealth will not save you from God’s judgment. Righteous will.
  • More stuff about how the righteous will be blessed and the wicked will be cursed.
  • Keep the secrets entrusted to you. Don’t be a blabbermouth.
  • Don’t cosign loans with strangers.
  • Gracious women are honored, ruthless men become rich.
  • Stay righteous, brother.
  • Women who blab all the time are like pigs with gold rings in their snouts, amirite, fellas?
  • Generous people will always have more to give. Hoarders and the greedy will always be in want and despised by the people.
  • If you trust in your wealth, it’s going to fail you… but you just said that the rich man’s wealth is his security…
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