The TL:DR Bible: Proverbs 13-15

 Chapter 13:

  • Smart kids listen to their parents. Dumb kids don’t. Which one do you want to be, little Rehoboam? Huh? (Spoiler Alert… he’s one of the dumb ones.)
  • Words matter.
  • Lazy people don’t get anything. Unless they inherit it. Hard work will give you all you desire. Unless you’re working for a minimum wage, in which case… 3… maybe, 4 of those will get you what you desire.
  • There are people who live a lifestyle of wealth, but own nothing but debt, and people who live a simple life who are vastly wealthy… Okay, that was kind of profound, I guess.
  • Wealth obtained by fraud dwindles (Solomon has never heard of Wall St. and the financial industry.)
  • Your life will suck if you’re evil, but you will be blessed by God if you’re good. Job? WRONG!


Chapter 14:

  • A wise woman builds her house. A foolish one tears her house down. Yeah… they can’t all be winners, guys.
  • If you love God, your actions will reflect that.
  • Fools say shit that deserves a punch to the face. The wise have more tact.
  • If you don’t have oxen, your barn won’t have shit in it, but it also won’t be producing wealth either.
  • Honest people say the truth. Liars tell lies.
  • No one can feel your pain or your joy.
  • You may think the path you’re on is a good one, but it might lead to death, so come follow this other path that could also lead to death if I’m wrong. Pascal’s wager!
  • People sometimes hide their depression.
  • The Fox News viewer believes anything. But the sensible man considers the source.
  • Quick tempered, thin skinned people will cause trouble. Seems oddly prescient. Maybe this book was inspired.
  • Everyone hates the poor. But we all love the rich.
  • Still, it’s wrong to deny your poor neighbor charity.
  • Wise people are rich. Like me, King Solomon.
  • People who can control their anger are wise. Thin-skinned people tweet folly.
  • The righteous will prosper, the wicked will suffer…
  • The king likes good slaves. Bad slaves get the whip.


Chapter 15:

  • Choose your words wisely.
  • Wise people can teach. Fools just say whatever is on their minds no matter how stupid or nonsensical.
  • God is everywhere watching us all. Which should be of great comfort to rape and murder victims. God sees you, but doesn’t do anything to help you.
  • Words can heal or hurt.
  • Seriously, Rehoboam, listen to my instruction so you don’t do something stupid like alienate 10 of the tribes and cause a civil war and lasting schism.
  • Righteous people have lots of money.
  • God hates religious observances that are devoid of good works.
  • Seriously, even though it doesn’t look like it will happen, the righteous will be blessed by God, while the evil people will be punished and killed.
  • Trolls hate people who correct them. Stop engaging with them.
  • The mind of the intelligent man seeks knowledge. The mind of the simple seeks reality TV programs.
  • It’s better to eat a Vegan meal cooked by someone who loves you than it is to eat a giant steak with someone who despises you.
  • “Without consultation, plans fail, but with many consultants is great success,” said the consultant shortly before he was hired on at a salary much greater than yours.
  • Don’t take bribes.
  • Smart people think before they speak. Stupid people don’t.
  • And more God will prosper the righteous (Job: WRONG!) and punish the wicked.

One thought on “The TL:DR Bible: Proverbs 13-15

  1. guest

    “Without consultation, plans fail, but with many consultants is great success,” said the consultant shortly before he was hired on at a salary much greater than yours.




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