The TL:DR Bible: Proverbs 25-26

Chapter 25:

  • God conceals things, the king reveals them. OBEY.
  • The king’s heart cannot be known. TRUST.
  • Purify the silver, remove the dross. Purify my kingdom, remove the wicked.
  • Don’t elevate yourself, let others do it for you.
  • Get a lawyer if you’re going to court.
  • Don’t spill other people’s secrets or people will think badly of you.
  • Good words are more valuable sometimes than much wealth.
  • Good messengers are hard to come by, which is why I DON’T shoot them when they bring me bad news. (I’ve read the Evil Overlord list.)
  • Don’t gorge yourself on honey, or you’re gonna puke.
  • Fish and visitors smell after three days. Don’t be a smelly fish.
  • Liars are wicked. Don’t trust the untrustworthy.
  • Bless your enemy and do good to them. You’ll be blessed by God and be tormenting them with your kindness. Win-win, right?
  • Gossip stirs up anger.
  • Seriously, for the hundredth time, don’t marry a bitch.
  • If you give in to the wicked, you share in his corruption
  • A man without self-control is like a city that is defenseless.


Chapter 26:

  • Don’t honor fools… like by making them president, because ha ha, how disastrous would that be? Hahahahaha… ah….
  • If you magic curse someone without a cause, it just kind of floats out there in the ether?
  • It’s totally natural to beat the crap out of fools.
  • When it comes to trolls, you’re kinda damned if you do answer them and damned if you don’t.
  • Don’t use a troll as your spokesperson.
  • They seriously can’t even speak a proverb in the correct situation. They’re like lame, man.
  • Seriously, do not elect or hire or promote a troll or an idiot.
  • Fools don’t change.
  • Lazy people suck.
  • Don’t get involved in fights that aren’t your concern, you’re going to get your nose bit off.
  • People who troll and ‘prank’ you are like lunatic arsonists.
  • People aren’t always what they seem. Sometimes they’ll seem like your friend, and then shiv you in the back. What goes around will come around to them.

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