The TL:DR Bible: Isaiah 40-41


Chapter 40:

Comfort the people of Judah. Tell them that all the wars have ended and God has paid her double for her sins… which seems a bit like overkill, but okay, we’ll go with it.

A voice calls out to make a smooth road for God. God’s glory will be revealed.

Another voice says, “Call out that everyone is going to die, but God’s word will stand forever.” The death part sounds less like good news or comforting.

Climb up on a mountain and tell Judah, “Hey! Here’s God!” which would be self-evident I’d think with the shining and the fiery cloud bit.

God is great for another 4 or 6 verses…

God is not like the idols you guys keep making. He sits way the hell up there watching all of us like grasshoppers. He overthrows governments and snuffs out rulers like a kid playing a computer game.

Sure, you guys think that God isn’t watching and won’t judge you, but God is always watching and never sleeps and gives strength to the weary and if people sit around and think about him, they’ll fly and run marathons and not tire.

 

Chapter 41:

God: Hey, guys, I move nations around on the board. Everyone fears war, but I’ll be with you guys and help you out and kill all of your enemies. So don’t be afraid, worms, I’ll help you kill all of those assholes over there.*

*offer to help you kill those assholes over there does not apply to Nebuchadnezzar.

And I’ll take care of the needy and the thirsty.  (Except for those times when I don’t.)

If you think your gods are so hot, let’s see them predict the future, eh?

I’m raising up a guy in the north to be a conqueror. No one else predicted this, especially not those worthless hussies you call gods and worship.

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