The TL:DR Bible: Isaiah 42-44


Chapter 42:

God: Hey, guys, look at my servant. He is my chosen one. I put my spirit upon him and he will bring justice to the nations. He will not hurt the hurting or snuff out the faint of heart. He will bring justice and he will not be stopped until he has accomplished that purpose.

Guys, I made everything. I’ve picked you and I will watch over you guys. You’re to be a testimony of how to live to everyone else. Heal the sick, free the prisoners. I’m God and I’m not going to share the title with idols.

Isaiah: Everyone sing a new song to God. Tell him how great he is because a self-sufficient deity needs constant reminders of how cool he is.

God: I’ve been quiet for a while, but I’m going to nuke everything and I’ll lead the blind out of darkness and into a place of peace. Then everyone who worships idols will be ashamed.

Isaiah: Hey, you blind and deaf people. People who hear, but don’t hear and see, but don’t see. God gave us these really awesome laws and other not so awesome laws about slavery and buying women, but the point is you guys screwed up and now you’re miserable and God is punishing us.

 

Chapter 43:

So God says, “Don’t be afraid. I’ve redeemed you, Israel. I will be with you. You will not be harmed. I will gather all of your descendants from the lands I’ve scattered them in and bring them home.”

So everyone gather together and listen to how great the Lord is.

“I am pretty awesome,” God said. “I control everything unlike your other gods. And to show you how much I love you, Israel, I’m going to destroy Babylon. I control everything and make roads in the desert and take care of wild animals and they worship me. But you guys haven’t. You’re not killing sheep for me anymore. You’re not even making me cookies anymore. But you guys sure do love to sin. But I’ll take care of your sins for my own sake and won’t remember them anymore. But I will totally remember them and punish you guys.”

 

Chapter 44:

“But it’s okay because in the future, I will pour out my Spirit upon your descendants and they will know me and worship me the way I want to be worshipped.

“I’m totally God, all of your other gods suck.”

Isaiah: How stupid is it to worship an idol you make out of wood when you’re burning the same kind of wood in your firepits?

“It’s okay, guys,” God said. “I’ll forgive all of your sins, so come on back to Me. I’m the maker of all things and only I can tell the future. Judah will be rebuilt and Cyrus the Great will help you guys do it. Who’s Cyrus the Great, a king that is totally not born as of the writing of this prophesy we totally pinky swear wink wink? We’ll talk more about him in the next chapter.

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