The TL:DR Bible: Jeremiah 6-10


Chapter 6:

Everyone get out of Jerusalem because invaders will come from the north and lay siege to it and overthrow her.

God is punishing her for her violence and destruction and wickedness.

They will take nearly everything from Judah.

I warn, but no one listens. I grow angry until I cannot bear it and will pour out my wrath upon the old and young, men and women, parent and child, rich and poor, priest and prophets who lie to the people and say there will be peace, but there is no peace. They have no shame who claim to speak for me.

I tell them to walk in a good way, but they say, “No.” So, I bring judgement on them. They try to appease me with religion, but I despise their religion.

Disaster comes from the north. Mourn for the coming dead.

 

Chapter 7:

“Jerry, go stand in the gate of the Temple and tell the people that if they turn from their evil ways, I will let them live in this land forever. Tell them not to trust the people who say the Temple of the Lord will never be overthrown. If they change, if they care for the poor, the widows, the orphans, if they practice justice, if they welcome the foreigners, and do not shed the blood of the innocent, then I will bless them and they will live here forever.”

“But if they practice injustice and evil and then come here to my house? Is this not a worse evil? They turn my house into a den of thieves. I will not deliver them. Tell them to go to Shiloh, where people used to worship me and see what I let happen there. Because they do the same evils, I will cast them out of my sight.”

“Jerry, do not pray for this people. Don’t intercede for them because I do not hear you. They worship other gods, so they will be judged.”

“I never wanted sacrifices. I wanted your fathers to obey my words. But they did not. I have sent them prophets since they were in Egypt to this day, and they do not listen to them. You will speak to them and they won’t listen. Cut off your hair and shave your head, Jerry and throw the hair away in mourning for Jerusalem.”

“They’re sacrificing their children to other gods as burnt offerings, which I did not command-“

Abraham, “Eh….”

“ONE TIME! ONE TIME, ABE! AND I STOPPED YOU. Geez, you think you’d let that go.”

 

Chapter 8:

And another chapter where God says everyone sucks and things are really going to suck for them.

 

Chapter 9:

God’s sad because Judah has become a bunch of lying assholes and so he’s got to do something about it and punish them and punish everyone around them too for reasons, so everyone should mourn, except the man who practices love, justice, and righteousness.

 

Chapter 10:

Hey, everyone, it’s pretty stupid to worship a god of gold and silver that you made with your own hands, but it’s perfectly rational to worship an invisible God instead. Because… reasons…

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s