The TL:DR Bible: Ezekiel 31-35

Chapter 31:

God still has it in for Pharaoh and is predicting doom.


Chapter 32:

God really hates Pharaoh for some reason (He didn’t even order any boy babies thrown into the Nile this time) and predicts more doom.


Chapter 33:

God repeats his warning to Ezekiel that Zeke had been tell everyone what God says or God is going to judge him for their sins. God repeats that he doesn’t really want to kill everyone, but their just being so naughty and if they stopped being naughty and defrauding the poor, God would spare their lives.

The word comes that Jerusalem has fallen and God says to Zeke, “Hey, Zeke, tell the people still living in Israel who aren’t here to hear your words that because they’re violent, idol-worshipping adulterers who eat meat with blood in it that they’re all going to die even though they were spared by Nebuchadnezzar.”

Lastly, God is really pissed at Zeke’s fellow exiles because they regard him as entertainment, which come on… guy walking through down waving a sword at hair… that’s pretty entertaining for life in the Bronze Age.


Chapter 34:

God is angry at the leadership of Judah, for living high off of the fruits and labor of the people in their charge. They are bad shepherds, killing and eating the flock, clothing themselves with the labor of others, they ignore the sick and suffering, they ignore the lost, but treated the people harshly.

God promises to judge them and take away their position.

Then God promises to go out and gather up all of the Jews and lead them home and heal the sick and give the people peace and security.

God promises to not only restore the kingdom of Judah, but to place David in charge of it and then Israel will have peace and security forever.


Chapter 35:

God promises doom on the Edomites again because they saw the misfortunes of Israel and decided to go raid Judah, so God promises to kill them all. Is it just me or does that seem to be the answer for everything?


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