The TL:DR Bible: Luke 17-18

Chapter 17:

Temptations will come, but the one who helps someone fall will receive a really bad punishment.

Forgive your brother who sins against you no matter how many times he sins against you. Now, I’d probably have added that forgiveness does not always include a restoration of trust. You shouldn’t have to leave yourself vulnerable to someone’s abuse. And if they’re not willing to listen to your terms on how to restore the relationship, then they aren’t genuinely seeking forgiveness.

The disciples ask for more faith. Jesus says if they even had a little faith, they could tell trees to move and go kill themselves in the ocean.

You and I are a filthy unworthy slave of the Lord’s who should do what we’re told and shut up about it.

Jesus heals ten lepers, but only one comes back to thank him. The one who does is a Samaritan.

Jesus gives a speech about the coming end times which was expected within the lifetime of the disciples.

Jesus: The kingdom is within your midst. You guys will long to see one of the days when I was here, but you won’t. Don’t listen to other individual teachers claiming they know where the kingdom is. I’m totally coming like lightning, but first I have to suffer and die.

Things are going to appear totally normal. Almost like nothing is going to happen, but then something will totally happen and the kingdom will appear and all those people who refused to believe you and mocked you and persecuted you will totally die horribly.

When the day comes and the Romans appear heading towards Jerusalem, get the hell out of Dodge. One will be taken, the other will be left. You want to be the one left. The vultures will eat those who are taken.


Chapter 18:

When you pray, just bug the crap out of God. Eventually, he’ll get tired of your begging and give you what you want (or you’ll get discouraged and give up.)

Jesus: Two men went to pray. The Pharisee was proud and boastful and the sinner was humble and penitent. God listened to the sinner’s prayer, but did not hear the prayer of the Pharisee.

People bring their children to Jesus to bless, the disciples try to stop them, but Jesus tells them to let the kids in.

The rich young ruler drops by again and leaves again after being told to sell all he has and give it to the poor. Christians are like, “Now, that obviously doesn’t apply as a universal rule… because I’ve got some really nice stuff.”

And Jesus heals a blind man as he’s entering Jericho instead of as he’s leaving Jericho.




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s