An Infidel Reads the Quran: Surah 10:38-109


Okay, so the Quran could only come from God because the Quran says so.

But we’ll say, “Prove it.”

“Well, you write a chapter of a holy book like the Quran then.”

“Sure. The unbelievers will all perish and go to an eternal torment. God is merciful and just. The believers will all get a really swell garden with fruit and running water and some really hot (but devout) women to sex up for all eternity. God is all-powerful. Let me copy and paste that a few thousand times and I think I’ve got a new religion from God, but also with blackjack and whiskey.”

That’s probably not good enough for Mohammed. He thinks our minds our corrupted and we’re ignorant.

If we call him a liar, then they’re supposed to say, “Let’s compare our deeds.”

“Well, I haven’t killed my daughter for hanging out with boys without a male guardian or lynched an apostate or burned a town to the ground, killed its male inhabitants and taken the women to rape, so I think I might be a few points higher on the good works scale than some of the fundamentalists.”

God doesn’t wrong us, it’s all our faults. Like in any good healthy relationship.

Now we go through another long section where Mohammed assures us that one day, we’ll see. Muslim God will show up and then we’ll be sorry, but it’ll be too late, we’ll go to hell, while he and all the cool kids that follow him get nice gardens.

And the proof that Mohammed is right is that Night and Day exist.

Christians claim God has a Son, but do they have any proof? Or are they just speaking from ignorance?

“Hi, Pot, I’m Kettle.”

“Hi, Kettle, I’m Pot!”

“Those who fabricate lies about God will not succeed.”

“I don’t know, you did pretty well for yourself.”

“Have you heard about Noah?”

Yes, several times now.

“Well, what about Moses and Pharaoh?”

Yes. You’ve mentioned Moses a lot and we’re only ten chapters into this book. But gosh darned it, if Mohammed isn’t going to tell the story of Moses and the staff changing into a snake and the Egyptian magicians again.

And we’re encouraged to believe in Mohammed again.

And finally, 98 verses into the Surah called Jonah, we get to the story of Jonah… and it’s over in one verse. Jonah talked to these guys, they stopped being dicks, so we didn’t kill them and made their lives a little better.

If God willed it, everyone would become a believer. Well, then God suffers from the same problem he does in the New Testament. He has deliberately created a race of sentient creatures capable of feeling pain and then designed a system whereby the VAST majority of them would be consigned to feeling unimaginable pain forever without end. That is not a benevolent deity.

And the constant appeals to fear are exactly the same. Join us or be set on fire forever. No one would call someone who did that on Earth good or merciful or just, they’d be a monster. But the appeal to our blind fear of the unknown helps pitch the idea and blind us to the moral compass in our hearts which tells us that such a relationship isn’t loving or healthy, but abusive and dysfunctional.

You want to know if I can write a holy book, I was only joking above, but not by much. Start with an all-powerful deity. Call it loving, all-knowing, all-powerful, just, all of the usual God stuff. Define justice and righteousness as following your rules. Promise eternal happiness to your followers. Tell your followers that everyone outside of your tribe who mocks them or hates them or is different from them in some way, will be judged by your God and have eternal bad things happen to them. And assure them that it will happen soon, soon being defined as ‘sometime in the next 2,000-5,000 years or so, long after you’re dead, and appeal to the masses by saying you have a special revelation and bad things will happen to them if they don’t believe.

I mean, seriously, not that hard. People still believe in astrology and chain letters, for Pete’s sake. People think Jesus is a magic vaccine. People think if they give money to charlatans in God’s name, God’s going to send them a bloody check for ten times as much.

People are simply too credulous about the unknown and maybe that worked during the days when we needed close knit tribes to complete for food and resources, but much of humanity has gone past that stage now and invoking the fear of retribution from an invisible deity that doesn’t seem to be doing all that much in the world isn’t going to carry that much weight any longer. You have to give us something beyond that. You have to give us something beyond “Day and Night exist, therefore God” or “This book says it’s from God, therefore it is.”

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