An Infidel Reads the Quran: Surah 14: Abraham


So Mohammed once again says that God leads people to hell or heaven, it’s His choice, really.

Remember Moses, guys? Yeah, we’re talking about Moses again.

“Hey, guys, remember how God delivered you from the slavery he lead you into? You should be more grateful for that.”

Remember Noah? Aad? Thamood? Yes, we’re talking about them again too.

“Hey, guys worship our God.”

“Uh… can you give us proof that your God exists?”

“No. No, I mean, we totally could, but only if God wanted to.”

They everyone starts a religious war and the Muslims win because of superior tactics, better leadership, greater numbers, ha ha, just kidding… they win the Trial by Combat because God.

In Hell, they not only serve boiling hot water to drink, but putrid water too. Death comes at him from every direction, but he will not die. I think Mohammed took my advice. Eternal dysentery! Always sick and pooping, but never dying or getting better. Now, that’s a hell.

IF God wanted to, he could get rid of us and start a new creation. How do we know he didn’t? The world could have started today and all of my memories of the past might be faked.

Anyway, Mo, goes on for a while talking about how the unbelievers will really regret their unbelief on the day of judgment when God shows them how Mo was right all along.

Abraham shows up now and prays to God:

Let the land be peaceful and keep my family from idols. (That didn’t work out. See Jacob and Rachel.)

“I’ve sent some of my kids off in a desert so they can pray to you. Be a good fellow and make sure they get some food. Because I really did not think this one through…”

“Thanks for giving me Ishmael and Isaac. I tried to kill both of them… heh… good memories….”

Seriously, all of you jerks will regret making fun of Mohammed and not listening to me. God’s going to make you pay and then you’ll understand and beg me to help you and I’ll say, “No! You were a jerk, Kyle. Go off to hell and drink your putrid water and crap your pants for all eternity in the fire.”

 

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