The Prayer Breakfast

The devil led him up to a high place and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world. And he said to him, “I will give you all their authority and splendor; it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. If you worship me, it will all be yours.”


“I’m sorry, what?”

“I was speaking of our upcoming prayer breakfast.”

“Of course, Saul, I’m sorry, I was just thinking of my brother. Do continue.”

“It’s our annual Roman Legionnaire Memorial Prayer Breakfast. I was mentioning that the regional governor, King Agrippa would be delighted to give the keynote address.”

“Do you think that will make things awkward with John being in attendance?”

“No,” Saul said. “King Agrippa is one of us now, therefore all is forgiven. Besides, he has already been delivering on his promises to appoint conservative justices.”

“But he did have John’s brother executed and put Peter in jail.”

“That was before he became a Christian, so we’re giving him a mulligan.”

“Of course we are,” James sighed.

“And I have heard news that Emperor Caligula will also be in attendance.”

“The Emperor? Isn’t he known for sleeping with the wives of other men?”

“Fake news,” Saul replied. “You’ve been listening to Philo and Seneca on CNN, haven’t you?”

“He appointed a horse to the Senate!”

“James, you’re forgetting that he also gave us a record tax cut.”

“I haven’t seen it.”

“Well, he gave it to the rich, as the Lord intended. It will eventually trickle down to us.”

“That’s not the only thing I’ve heard about him that trickles, Saul.”

“But you forget. We can now say ‘Merry Christmas’ instead of ‘Happy Saturnalia.’”

“My brother wasn’t even born in December, Saul.”

“I must say, James, I do believe you may be under the influence of Satan. Emperor Caligula is the most friendly Emperor for religious freedom we’ve ever had.”


“Well, we aren’t electing a pastor, we’re electing an Emperor.”


“Only because three million illegal aliens from Gaul voted against him.”


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