Okay, let’s do this…
Seriously, Mohammed, you’re my guy, says the Lord. You go warn everyone, or don’t, most of them won’t believe anyway… I mean, I could show them all proof, but I just don’t want to.
Also, I will raise everyone up from the dead and go over their Permanent Record with them. That’s right. You thought that didn’t matter, but it DOES! MUHAHAHAHA!
Remember what happened to that one town? I sent three messengers and they said, “We’re messengers.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, we are.”
“Get out of here or we’ll kill you.”
And then another guy came along and was like, “I think we should listen to them!”
That last guy is going to be saved. Those other guys are going to be screwed.
Now, look at agriculture. That’s totally proof of me.
Also, nighttime. That’s proof of me too!
It’s definitely not just natural processes working. Totally me. Honest.
And the sun and the moon each have their own orbits around the Earth. Screw Copernicus.
And remember that time with Noah? We could have drowned all of humanity, but we didn’t.
And the wicked looked at the hungry and said, “Yeah, why should I feed him? God could feed him if He wanted to.” And they didst vote for Donald Trump.
And we’re back to Mohammed’s favorite revenge fantasy of everyone begging God not to send them to hell and God and Mohammed laughing at them as they burn and writhe in the fires.
When you get old, you get feeble again.
The reason this book is horribly written is because God didn’t give Mohammed the gift of poetry. God wanted a horribly written book.
Also, sheep, horses, goats, and cows. Those are proof of God.
Oh, and trees too.