Surah 62: Friday
Mohammed begins, as he always does, by calling God merciful and gracious.
Right before he unloads the anti-Semitism, calls the Jews unclean donkeys, and promises them death.
Then he pivots and says, “Hey, Muslims, when it’s time to pray, it’s better if you go ahead and pray. Then when prayer is over, you can all go home and enjoy life… as much as you can enjoy life in a fundamentalist Islamic theocracy, of course.”
“But God is cooler than the latest Marvel movie, yo,” he finished.
Nailed it, he thought. Another Surah done for my book!
Surah 63: The Hypocrites
There sure are a bunch of religious hypocrites out there. God’s going to torture them with fire forever.
Surah 64: Gathering
God made all and He knows all.
God is burning all of the unbelievers before you in eternal fire.
They say there is no resurrection, but you answer with, “Yes, there is!” That’ll show ‘em.
One day, God’s ultimate judgment will come and the merciful one will throw people into eternal hellfire.
Everything bad that happens is because God wants it to.
Obey Mohammed unquestioningly.
Your family and stuff are just tests from God. God, who knows everything.
If you give me, Mohammed, money, God will repay you tenfold AND forgive your sins.
House of the Dread 