An Infidel Reads the Quran: Surahs 68-69

Surah 68 The Pen

I’m not crazy. You’re crazy!

You’re evil and stupid and a sinner and a doo-doo head.

You have money and children and you think I’m telling myths, but God is going to brand you on your giant nose.

God tests all of us. Just like God tested some gardeners somewhere. But they fell asleep and God ruined their gardens and they were sorry. And we got to say, “Neener neener. We told you so.” And oh how they felt bad.

I’m starting to think the driving force of religion is spite.

So yeah… more you’ll be sorry when you go to hell for calling me crazy! rantings from Mohammed. And that’s the end of this surah.


Surah 69: The Reality

What is the reality?

Let’s talk more about Thamood and Aad, Pharaoh, and Sodom and Gomorrah.

Mohammed’s end times start with a trumpet. Then everything gets picked up and crushed. The sky cracks open. Angels are everywhere. God has eight angels carry him everywhere because why not?

And people are given books presumably about their lives. If they hand you your book to right hand you get in to God’s garden. If they hand you your book to your left hand, you have to go to hell. Just pass your book from your left hand to your right hand while God’s busy with the people in front of you.

And if Mohammed was lying, guys, God would have picked him up and slit his throat. You know… like how God does that with all of the televangelists these days.


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