An Infidel Reads the Quran: Surahs 76-79


Surah 76: Man

God says he created man to test him.

This once again makes zero sense if you’re talking about an omniscient deity.

God would know how everyone would turn out. That’s part of his thing. He knows everything. That’s why He’s God.

But this God was either bored and figured he needed a distraction or he’s a dick and wanted to torture some sentient people, so God makes humans and says, “Some of you are going to burn forever and ever.”

But if you live in persistent fear of God burning you forever, and you feed poor people not because they’re your fellow man and it’s the right thing to do, but because you’re afraid of God burning you forever, then you get to go to heaven where there’s clean water, nice clothes, LazEBoy recliners, silver flatware, and crystal glasses.

Oh, and there’s also a lot of hot young people running around to serve you. Let’s give Mo the benefit of the doubt and say that they’re all of legal age.

And then Mo ends his speech saying that God decides who goes to heaven and who goes to hell, which contradicts the idea that God wanted to test us, because God had already predetermined how each test would go.

 

Surah 77: The Unleashed

God says, “Hey all you sinning people. Didn’t I make you from some semen that got stuck on a woman’s vagina? I did. I measured it out. I make the best measurements. And you guys are sinning so you’ll go to hell. “

 

Surah 78: The Event

It’s another surah about the Day of Judgment and heaven and hell. What a surprise!

 

Surah 79: The Snatchers

It’s another surah about the Day of Judgment and heaven and hell, but with the story of Moses too! Yes, Moses! We haven’t heard about Moses before, have we?

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