Surah 80: He frowns
So this guy frowns and ignores a blind man and Mohammed says, “Don’t judge, maybe that guy was purifying himself.”
Doesn’t seem like a great reason to ignore a blind man, but hey, religion, right?
But we noticed it and if the guy is just a jerk, God won’t be mad at us.
But we all have to pay attention to someone coming to us in awe, presumably about how great this book is, because that’s all Mohammed ever talks about.
Now God says we’re all a bunch of thankless jerks who were created from sperm (he leaves out the egg because medieval “science.”) And God says that all of the hard work that farmers put into growing crops is really just God magically making food grow and appear in your grocery stores.
And then back to threats about hell.
Surah 81: The Rolling
More end of the world talk. Also, apparently it was common to bury girls alive for crimes… probably like not putting out or thinking they had rights or something.
Surah 82: The Shattering
You know, there are only so many times I can say, “Mohammed talks about the end of the world and hell and heaven… AGAIN!”
Seriously, if this is “God’s” handiwork, he needs to create himself a divine editor. I could provide the same message as all of the Quran in one page.
Surah 83: The Defrauders
Mohammed is pissed off at merchants who prey on the public and rip them off.
Finally, some good stuff.
And then the rest of the surah is about how they go to hell with all the other bad people, while the believers party and laugh at them from their garden.
Surah 84: The Rupture
You know, I was supposed to be joking when I said I could copy and paste “Good Muslims go to heaven, unbelievers go to hell” as my comment on every remaining Surah, but darned if Mohammed isn’t making this joke true.