An Infidel Reads the Quran: Surahs 98-106


Surah 98: Clear evidence

Finally. We’re finally going to get some clear evidence from Mohammed. Is God going to appear. I hope God appears. That would definitely be clear evid-

Oh… he’s referring to the book.

Ahem…

THAT’S NOT EVIDENCE!

 

Surah 99: The Quake

The Muslim Apocalypse kicks off with an earthquake. Then everyone gets to see their good deeds and bad deeds and heaven and hell.

 

Surah 100: The Racers

“Mankind is ungrateful to the Lord. Truly, they love wealth when it will not prosper them!”

“So we should get rid of our stuff and stop taking stuff from other people by force?”

“Uh… no… no, but maybe toss a few coins to a beggar. You know, if they’re not smelly and gross.”

 

Surah 101: The Shocker

And then the Shocker attacked Spider-man and verily, Spider-man lept out of the way of his concussive blasts…

Just kidding. That would actually be interesting. This surah is 11 verses basically saying you’re going to heaven or hell.

 

Surah 102: Abundance

Having too much stuff isn’t good for your soul. It distracts you. Go visit a graveyard and reflect.

It’s not bad advice. You know, until he has to bring up hell again.

 

Surah 103: Time

We’re going to lose unless we believe in Mohammed, do good works, encourage truth, and recommend patience.

 

Surah 104: The Backbiter

Mohammed’s not happy with backstabbers and complainers and promises them an extra special hell called THE CRUSHER!

 

Surah 105: The Elephant

“Hey, you guys remember the people of the Elephant? God totally routed them with an army of birds that threw rocks at them.”

Jesus, 5000 verses talking about Moses and you only write five short sentences about an army of birds murdering a nation of people with elephants?

God really needed an editor on this book.

 

Surah 106: Quraish

Mohammed says, “Let these Quraish folks worship God with us since God provided them food.”

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s