I was planning on jumping right into the Book of Mormon.
You know, it’s the fourth set of books that claim divine authorship after the Old Testament, the New Testament, and the Quran, so it kind of made sense.
The thing is, I’m really, really dreading it.
So I’m going to take a little break.
It’s time to go back to diving in my own pond.
Because you see, while I’ve given Islam a lot of crap the last few months, it’s not like my former religious beliefs were any more rational.
I was an American Evangelical Christian.
After all, I believed that one day, Jesus was going to show up and take all of the real, true Christians to heaven and everyone else would be “LEFT BEHIND.”
Furthermore, I believed that even though something insanely miraculous happened right in front of everyone, everyone would just go, “Meh” and go back to eating aborted fetuses and gay sex or something. That somehow, the world, presented with actual physical evidence of the supernatural would just ignore it.
And then God would start kicking their asses and they’d still ignore it.
Not just natural disasters, we’re talking about seven headed beasts and fire breathing Jews and demon-locust-women-scorpion things. Real end of days, wrath of God stuff.
That’s not even touching on the even more absurd notion that all of the nations of the Earth would united and all of the religions of the world would unite. Like Buddhists and Muslims and Hindus would all come together and just pretend that they all believed the same things.
And then, after seven years of God just being as Old Testament as He could be, the armies of the Earth would gather together and Jesus would show up riding a white sky horse and he would murder everyone and shuffle them off to be tortured forever.
Then Jesus would set up an actual new Kingdom of Israel with himself as King and all the True Christians as princes and he would run a paradise on Earth for 1,000 years before humanity said, “Fuck this” and rebelled. Then Jesus would kill all of them, send everyone into a literal lake of fire where they suffer forever, and create a new heaven and new Earth where we would be perfectly blissful little robots telling Him how great He was for all eternity.
So, yeah… I don’t have a leg to stand on when it comes to crazy religious beliefs.
Anyway, at the suggestion of a commenter at the Slacktivist community on Patheos, I’m going to tackle one of the Left Behind books, specifically Kingdom Come. It’s the last chronological book in the series and was Tim LaHaye’s attempt to paint us a picture of what a utopia run by God Almighty would look like.
And I cannot wait to tear into the crazy.