KC: I’m surprised they didn’t use the phone…


So Rayford and friends meet King David.

Apparently, Egypt elected a couple of youngsters to its ruling council and they decided to miss the Feast of Tabernacles and this is a huge deal that has made God very mad. But God can’t tell the Egyptians directly that He’s mad and that they need to repent for… reasons.

So God’s going to kill the two youngster leaders and collectively punish Egypt with a drought because God is still a dick. Or maybe he misses the Good Ol’ Days when He slaughtered Egyptians like 100 times over.

David wants Rayford and company to go rebuild Egypt after God is finished destroying it and Rayford agrees.

Meanwhile, we get into the courtship of Kenny and Ekaterina. It lacks all of the passion and eroticism  you’d expect.

“We traveled from Greece for the Feast of Tabernacles, as we do every year,” Ekaterina Risto told Kenny as they sat at a table fifty feet from hundreds of napping children. “And now we want to stay where the Lord Himself sits on the throne, although we will miss our homeland.”

“Tell me of your life there.”

“My parents met in an underground church that was once ministered to by your grandfather and your parents, as I understand it. The congregation feared for their lives every day, hiding from Global Community Peacekeeping Forces. My mother was pregnant with me when Jesus returned at the Glorious Appearing.”

“So, like me, you are in your nineties.”

“A child,” she said, smiling. “Of course, this is all I have known, but I have seen pictures of my mother when she looked much as I do now. She tells me she had just turned sixteen.”

Kenny nodded. “This time is as the days of Noah, when people lived for centuries.”

“I only wish I could stop aging at a youthful year, as your mother and grandmother have.”

“I didn’t know my grandmother before the Glorious Appearing,” Kenny said. “But pictures of her from before the Rapture show her older than she looks now.”

Whew… stop, guys… I’m melting over here.

They trade testimonies. Kenny with his dead zombie parents and how God put them in charge of all of the kids whose parents God murdered and consigned to eternal torture.

Meanwhile, Ekaterina resented a little bit of God’s “convert and surrender your free will to me or die and be tortured forever” so she wasn’t a believer until recently in her eighties. But she saw what happened to “THE WRONG CROWD.”

“They were hostile. They didn’t study or investigate or even think about it after a while. They made fun of the devout, and they refused to acknowledge Jesus at all. Have you heard of the Other Light?”

“Oh yes.”

“Some of them moved to other parts of Europe so they could join that. They not only chose against Christ, but they also chose for Lucifer. It was as if he became their hero, like a martyr who wasn’t dead but only temporarily bound.”

Ah yes, because it would make perfect sense to join up with Lucifer who Jesus has already beaten once, right?

Let’s pause for some more “romance.”

Ekaterina stood and paced. “That’s just it, Mr. Williams.”

“Kenny.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that. If I’m going to work for you . . . I mean, not that I’m saying I know I’ll get the job . . .”

“It’s all right. Call me what you wish.”

“I’ll tell you what: if you call me Kat, I’ll call you whatever you wish.”

“You’re on, Kat.”

Dude… can you writes something this steamy and sexual in a Christian book?

But Kenny says, “Hey, that’s crazy. Satan is going to lose and they’re going to die and go to hell.”

Kat says, “Yeah, but they still think they can win and that Satan will break into hell and release them once he’s done kicking God’s butt. And that’s why I’m a Christian now, because seriously, Jesus Christ is right there. I don’t have a choice. I can either accept the complete loss of my humanity and free will, or GET TORTURED FOREVER. ”

Have you noticed that we’re nine chapters in now and nothing of importance has happened? Did you notice that chapter nine consisted entirely of two conversations?

Did you catch that regardless of her not being an enemy of God, that Kat would have gone to the same place as her friends if she didn’t take God up on his “Convert or die and be eternally tortured” bargain?

Seriously… in a world where Jesus Christ is supposed to be alive and visible, WHY ISN’T HE A PART OF THIS WORLD?

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4 thoughts on “KC: I’m surprised they didn’t use the phone…

    1. comradedread Post author

      I think Evangelicals have a distrust and suspicion of Europe. Europe is too diverse, too tolerant of different cultures and ideas in their mind, and they view that as a bad thing.

      Thus Europe is easy pickings for the devil in their world.

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    2. spiritplumber

      Jesus seems to be stuck in the Temple the whole book/Millennium.

      Maybe KC is a story he’s telling himself while he waits in a cell to be tried for attempted genocide.

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      Reply
  1. Seed of Bismuth

    They really can’t imagine a “personal” Jesus that isn’t distant and not There. They really took the Jesus out of Christianity and just started worshiping his Pokemon style “who’s that pokemon?” silhouette.

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