KC: Mimeographs from their Uni-bomber Style Shack.


Alright, now we move on to the Other Light manifesto. Let’s dive into the evil, shall we?

To the thinking members of the global society: Use your brains! You are capable of rational thought.

Okay… a bit redundant, but nothing exactly evil there. You have a rational mind, use it. The bible even says that God wants to reason with you and to test everything and cling to the truth.

We of the Other Light acknowledge that everyone who entered this period of history was a believer in God, either surviving the last seven years on earth as they knew it or returning from heaven with Him.

This is true.

We do not deny that God was the Creator and that Jesus is His Son.

Well, you can’t exactly deny it. You have proof and evidence of God’s existence and undead Jesus is on the Earth, even if he is spending all of his time in the Temple instead of doing the job of running the global government or going on a speaking tour to all the parts of the Earth.

We deny that He ever came to earth in the flesh or that He died and was resurrected.

Why? I mean, I know why some people doubt in Jesus’ existence in this world and I know why we doubt a resurrection took place here and now, but Jesus exists in your world. He’s physically there and he still has scars from his death.

Is this another problem that Jesus could solve if he spent less time indoors at the Temple and more time out doing speaking gigs and media tours?

Yes. Yes, it is.

We aver that He unfairly treated one of His own creations, an angel, and summarily cast him out of His presence, forever besmirching his name and reputation.

Okay, this is just stupid. First, you’re basing your theology not even on the original texts that show Satan alternatively as an agent of God, God’s District Attorney, or ultimately the god of evil, but on thousands of years of human stories and tradition that added on all sorts of details to the mythology.

How do you know that Satan was treated unfairly? You haven’t met the angel, have you?

Didn’t think so.

Worse, He has left men and women no choice but to believe in Him and serve Him, denying our free will.

Okay, now you’re approaching a good point. Why does God give you free will if He’s just going to take it away once you agree to serve Him? What point is there to free will if free will ends? If you ask Christians who believe in free will, they will tell you that God did not want obedient robots that loved him, he wanted us to choose to love Him, but then God is going to make you incapable of sin or going against His will after you die, leaving him with obedient robots.

We have no quarrel with those who believe and follow Him and consider themselves devout. We simply insist on the right to decide for ourselves.

Wow. So evil. The evil, evil group wants freedom of religion in Jesus’ utopian society. I mean, it doesn’t make any sense because they all know they’re living in a universe where Dispensational Pre-millenial Christianity is the one true religion, but just go with it. They’re evil because they want freedom of religion.

If it’s true that we, as His opponents, are not allowed to live past the age of one hundred, this merely proves our point: He will not countenance an alternate point of view.

Okay, you’re not doing yourselves any favors here. If I might suggest a better avenue of attack, it’s why would a loving God sit isolated in his temple and slay us when we turn 100, thereby condemning us to a life of eternal torture from Him and separation from our friends and family? What crimes have we committed to justify eternal torment? Can you really justify thought crimes as being worthy of eternal punishment?

Couldn’t a longsuffering and loving God give us a little corner of the world for our own where we can live free of Him if we choose to or emigrate back to his kingdom if we want to?

We, however, insist on our right to rebel, even in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds

Do Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins really think that all non-Christians or apostates are just rebelling for rebellion’s sake?

I’m pretty sure they do.

See, they somehow look on this world with all of its random evils and pediatric cancer, natural disasters, and a perfectly reasonable theory that best fits the observable evidence for how humans came to be and they think it’s absurd to not believe that the Earth is only 6,000 years old and all of those evils were caused because a woman ate a fruit she got from a talking snake.

They think we know Christianity is true and just assume that we choose to rebel because… I don’t know… porn or something.

It never occurs to them that if we were provided incontrovertible evidence of God’s existence and the rightness of their theology, like a global rapture, that we would believe. I mean, begrudgingly, because I don’t like the option of becoming a neutered robot, but I like the option of burning alive forever even less, but I would still believe.

Because of the new world, the population is exploding as never before. Literally billions more souls will be born with every generation, and therein lies our hope.

Why? Have you tried to kill one of the undead Christians? I don’t mean to harp on that, but if you literally cannot kill an undead Christian with knives or bullets, then you’re not going to be winning a war against them.

A rational mind would test the hypothesis that you could win a war against the supernatural.

Even if it’s true, our progeny, properly informed and coached, will—by the end of the Millennium—amass an innumerable force. God’s own prophecies indicate this.

And then God’s own prophesies say they all die and God reboots the universe.

You guys really haven’t thought this through. You are in a no-win scenario, but the least painful option is to just go along with and obey the dictator.

The biggest mistake God makes will be to loose our leader for a season at the end of this Millennium, for that shall truly signal the end of His kingdom.

Why? If God put him in jail once, it stands to reason that he can do so again.  And why is Satan your leader when you literally know nothing about the guy? Shouldn’t you wait until he shows up and see if he’s worth following or has your best interest at heart? How do you know that Satan will be any better as a dictator than Jesus?

What happens if you succeed and Satan become New God. And New God sits atop a throne of skulls and says, “Alright. Now let the torture begin!” And the demon scorpion horse locusts come back?

Again, not thinking logically here.

Vote third party!

I’m kidding. DO NOT VOTE THIRD PARTY. NEVER VOTE THIRD PARTY.

Watch our ranks grow with every generation, and we will in the end prove that God is anything but gracious and loving and forgiving.

Well, yes… you will, but at the cost of your own lives and an eternity of torture for you and your kids.

Is it really worth that just to prove a point?

Wouldn’t it be better to just go to Jesus and ask for a constitutional government that derives its power from the people and oh, yes, could you please stop killing us and sending us to your eternal torture pit?

If we have to go somewhere, just poof us out of existence.

Alright, so our ‘villains’ have a couple of good ideas, but are mostly just as stupid as our ‘heroes’.

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1 thought on “KC: Mimeographs from their Uni-bomber Style Shack.

  1. spiritplumber

    You missed the two good bits, I think…. the very end of the manifesto:

    And be encouraged. Even if it’s true that we die out every generation, it stands to reason that our progeny will become more numerous each time. And if that’s true, it should be exponentially encouraging to each new wave that carries on our message.

    So, what if it’s true? Add to this document. Refine it. Improve it. Pass it on. And we’ll see you on the victory stand in the end.

    TOL understand two fundamental things: the power of compound interest, and the power of setting up a self-correcting system. Given enough time, those two things are enough for an ant colony to fell a titan. Will this be enough over 1000 years to defeat the fixity of prophecy? Read “Left Beyond Quest” in parallel with the last two chapters of “Kingdom Come” to find out 🙂

    Like

    Reply

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