KC: In which the author answers the question, “Can I write a chapter of a best selling book where nothing happens?”


Apparently, I forgot to mention that Kat and Kenny had a conversation at the end of the last chapter. It’s understandable as they are both so devoid of personality that they are easy to miss. They should just call them Love Interest and Protagonist, though I’ve finished reading the world’s worst book (so far) and Kenny really does nothing. Yeah, sorry to spoil it for you, but this book really has no plot. The conflicts are mostly shallow or devoid of tension. The characters just move from set piece to set piece because the author wants them to.

Anyway, we’re supposed to believe that Qasim and Kat might end up as a couple now since he thinks she’s hot and has asked her out on a date and she’s interested in what he’s been up to in France.

And Kenny is just there.

So we go back to Abdullah and his wife. She says, “Honey, you look good, but you’d need CGI to look like a teenager again.”

Abdullah shrugged. “This was the Lord’s idea. He’s going to have to tell me what to do.”

“The Lord really is a miracle worker, of course. But those young people will know, if it’s obvious you’ve survived your hundredth birthday, that you’re an interloper. And while I don’t worry that they can do you harm when you belong to Jesus, even finding you out couldn’t be good for our cause.”

What cause? What is your mission? And how would the Other Light recognizing your husband as a spy hurt that mission? Are they going to scream, “OLD GUY!” and everyone runs away?

Like I said, there is no conflict in this book that isn’t manufactured or bullshit.

I’ll spare you the next scene of Kenny freaking out because Love Interest is going out on a date with Forced Love Triangle.

Flip over to Cameron and Chloe who are told that Noah will be dropping by Our Lady of Jesus Murdered My Parents Orphanage.

And back to Rayford and crew in Egypt.

News of the new name of Egypt spread quickly through that nation, and as Rayford, Irene, Chaim, Tsion, Mac, Bruce, and his wife visited the various cities, the people would cry out, “Long live Osaze, ‘loved by God,’ and long live our King, the Lord Christ!”

But after one of the team preached and young people under one hundred streamed forward to commit their lives to Christ, someone was always bound to demand to know when God would lift His curse.

“That is up to you!” Bruce or Tsion would boom

Well, no, it’s not. They don’t have God powers to magically make the water reappear. Bruce and Tsion seem to imaging Egypt is hitting herself even as God keeps forcing their own fist to hit their face.

And even Rayford is starting to think, “Jesus, Lord, isn’t this a bit much?”

Everyone is groveling before the Lord and the Lord is sitting there like a petulant Donald Trump saying, “No! Not enough. I want more grovelling.”

Back to Kenny who is worried about Qasim and Kat’s date because this is important, right? Right?

Back to Abdullah and his zombie wife Yasmine who decide to go to Albania to see Abdullah’s disguise friend Zeke.

Back to Kenny who gets a call from Raymie who tells him that Noah is dropping by their work tomorrow.

Back to Abdullah who meets with Zeke who tells him:

“Sorry, man, but nobody in TOL is going to believe you’re under a hundred.”

And now Abdullah has to figure out what God wants him to do in a world where God is physically present and capable of speaking and faith is now sight. I mean, doesn’t Jesus have a cell phone implant? Hasn’t God spoken to you psychically before like Professor X?

For a book being written about God’s kingdom on Earth, this book seems to forget that God exists as a person and not some mysteriously invisible force any longer.

Back to Kenny who gets a call from Kat asking him to come over and talk about her date with Qasim. And Kenny is acting like every “nice” guy who thinks a girl has Friend Zoned him.

Lastly this “thrilling” chapter of cold rancid garbage ends with a conversation between Chloe and Cameron about whether or not she should call her dad and tell him about Noah’s visit.

This book is making me miss the Quran.

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3 thoughts on “KC: In which the author answers the question, “Can I write a chapter of a best selling book where nothing happens?”

  1. Bob Eckert

    “Rayford, Irene, Chaim, Tsion, Mac, Bruce, and his wife “? It doesn’t look like L&H just forgot to name Bruce’s wife. It looks like they actively dislike that character. Why? What has she done to them?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
      1. spiritplumber

        She’s always referred to as Bruce’s wife in all the books. This one is the last chance to give her a name, and that never happens.

        Like

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