KC: How does this world work exactly?


“Cameron sang and prayed as he strolled the grounds…”

If you don’t keep telling Jesus how wonderful He is, He might forget.

The entire Home for Orphaned Children Whose Parents Were Killed by Jesus is excited about Noah showing up. All except Qasim who took the day off.

(Que Horror Music)

Cameron turned at the sound of an engine and saw a van pulling onto the property a hundred yards away. As he squinted into the rising sun, he followed the cloud of dust until the vehicle skidded up next to him and the tinted driver’s window lowered.

“We’re lookin’ for the circus, buddy,” Mac McCullum said. “We in the right place?”

“Hush, Mac,” Irene called out from a backseat. “Cam, I called Chloe on the way in, and she’s already started on breakfast. She said we’d find you out here, but I’ve got to get back and help her. Hop in.”

A woman’s place remains firmly in the kitchen, even if she is a glorified undead zombie living in utopia.

Meanwhile, Kenny meets the parents of his new girlfriend and then they ditch her parents to go eat with his zombie ones.

“So this relationship is new just since we’ve left?” Rayford said, leaning past Chloe to taste her baked vegetable casserole.

“It’s not even a relationship, Dad, as far as I know. They barely know each other, though I think Kenny could be sweet on her if given the chance. When I called him, he said she was walking with him to work this morning, that’s all. I told him to bring her along.”

Anyone else think it’s kind of weird and creepy that we’re talking about a pair of 80-90 year old humans who are being infantilized by their families and treated like dumb kids? I get that people age more slowly now, but these aren’t kids. Even if their brains and bodies developed more slowly so they have to be 100 before the process is complete, they still have 80 to 90 years of life experience and knowledge up in their brains. They should be independent already.

It’s just weird to think of an 80 year-old living at home and complaining about his curfew or that his parents don’t like his music or that Qasim called and said that Mary Murphy didn’t like him.

Is that what they’re saying life is like? Just a bunch of nonagenarians hanging out at home playing X-box and reading comic books and going to sock hops?

Even if my brain wasn’t fully developed, I’d still say, “This is bullshit.”

Anyway, they talk about Kat more and how she went out with Qasim once already and I’m honestly surprised they don’t pull her aside and give her a lecture on purity and not causing her brothers to stumble.

But they’re all distracted by Qasim not wanting to hang around and hear Noah because he’s secretly evil.

“You don’t got an older sister, do ya?” Mac said, eyes dancing. “Like about eighty years older?”

Ekaterina threw her head back and laughed. “I’ll keep an eye out.”

Is it still half your age plus 7 in the Millennium? Or are you still a creepy old perv if you try to date a ninety year-old? Is the age of consent 100? Is there an age of consent in Jesus-land?

And isn’t this Jesusland? Shouldn’t we be back under the law where your families negotiated with your bride’s family to buy her with sheep and camels? There was none of this dating for love stuff in the bible. It was all commerce.

I’m saying is that if you want this 90 year-old, Mac, you go to her father and offer him 10 camels.

Alternatively, just rape her and pay her father 50 shekels of silver. It’s cheaper. (Deuteronomy 22:28-29 – Yes, that’s in “God’s Perfect Law,” people.)

How are the laws working now? How are people navigating life, relationships, and sex now? How do they deal with the implications that at death or at the end of this 1,000 year period, they’re not going to be in love with their spouse any longer?

What about children? Do couples discuss the ethics of bringing children into the world when they know for certain that they might die at age 100 and burn in hell forever under God’s command? Do some couples use birth control to prevent that possibility? Is God okay with that?

Where is Jesus Christ?

How does this world work?

Everyone arrives at God’s Orphanage for Kids Whose Parents He Murdered, but Noah’s not there yet.

He hadn’t thought of grandstands, but most families brought blankets and began spreading them all over the athletic field. Crowd control was going to be Cameron’s biggest headache. On the other hand, only the children had been invited; he didn’t feel obligated to the rest. They were on their own.

And they’ll know we are Christians by our love… unless they weren’t invited and then “fuck ‘em.”

But finally, Noah shows up:

Everybody turned as one and stared toward the main entrance, where a lone figure strode purposefully onto the grounds.

He wore a colorful robe with a wide blue sash, and his white hair and beard contrasted with his robust appearance.

So Noah is perpetually an old man because that’s what he looked like in the Children’s Illustrated Bible Stories? Kind of a raw deal for him. Why doesn’t he get the new hot 30 year-old body that all the rest of the zombies get?

Cameron was struck that there wasn’t a hint of danger to Noah despite his having no entourage or even security…

I’m guessing Cameron forgets he lives in Jesusland because Jesus never goes out in public. Also, Noah is undead. How can he get hurt? Why would he be in danger?

Why does the book keep forgetting basic facts about the world they’ve constructed?

I guess I’ll end here so we can save the tale of God drowning babies, puppies, and kitties for next time.

 

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3 thoughts on “KC: How does this world work exactly?

  1. annamelvina216

    I’m LokiLover over on Patheos. So, I’ve been writing a fanfic under Love, Joy, Feminism ‘s blog posts about a really awful book called Forbid Them Not. I’ve introduced Satan as a character, and I would like to introduce Jesus as a character, but I feel like my characters would have a few questions for Him, and I don’t know how to answer those questions. Honestly I’m afraid of writing words for Jesus.

    So, I guess I get on some level why he’s not in the story more, as a writer. But if you’re not willing to go there as an author, why write a book where your characters are supposedly in constant communion with Him? It might be hard to make tension in a book like that. But I think, if the tension comes from whether your POV character would choose Jesus, there could still be a story in this world – like how there’s tension in a romance story over Will They/Won’t They. But I guess then you’d have to ask the question: Why might someone NOT choose Jesus? And then you gotta think about that. Might be more than what this author is capable of…

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    1. Seed of Bismuth

      Hi LokiLover! I’ll go check that out since i don’t get to see you at Fred that much anymore. But yes they were afraid of putting words in Jesus’s mouth hence why he just off somewhere and when he is around he’s quoting the bible so much they had to get a special license to publish this book.

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