KC: Seriously, f*** this book edition


So Chloe can’t get anyone to cop to writing the falsified report about Kat, so she decides to drop it.

She called in Mattie Cleveland and suggested they just chalk up the crisis, such as it was, to an ill-conceived prank and let it die.

If only there were some omniscient and omnipresent deity who you could telepathically communicate with… then you could solve this problem.

Seriously, I’m beginning to think that God doesn’t exist in this universe.

“Whatever you say, Chloe. I agree we need to get on with what we’re here for. I will say this: Qasim has been particularly solicitous ever since this started getting around.”

“The one who’s been so annoying to Ekaterina?”

“He’s really cleaned up his act. He leaves her alone, and he has been much more helpful to me lately. Qasim has even commiserated with me over this mess.”

“But I didn’t even interview him. What does he know about it?”

She didn’t even interview the guy who was sexually harassing an employee who was the subject of a falsified slanderous report?

What. The. Fuck?

I realize that Chloe’s education was cut short by Jesus destroying the world and human civilization and she’s not Sherlock Holmes, but Jesus, dude… you expect me to believe that she wasn’t even curious about interviewing the guy who was harassing the employee who was the subject of that slanderous report?

And now he’s acting all helpful and innocent and they’re still like, “Seems legit to me!”

Sigh. Evil deserves to win, because good is dumb.

Meanwhile, Abdullah is off to see the local chapter of the Other Light and Kenny and Raymie (god, I hate that name) meet to chat about the important business of the Junior God Squad.

“Just a few items,” Kenny said. “I want to know where things stand with Qasim. I want to know what you think I should do about the persistence of the Jospins. And we need to talk about Ekaterina.”

Raymie says he told Qasim to beat it and Qasim got butthurt. Now Zaki is unhappy, and Jesus Christ, this is high school drama bullshit. Fuck this book.

Kenny smiled. “Kat and I have speculated on what might have become of you two—as a couple, I mean—if you were naturals.”

Raymie shook his head and looked away. “I have wondered the same. As has she. We can talk about it openly because it is so far from the realm of possibility. It’s strange that we admire and respect and truly love each other so deeply, and yet the idea of romance never enters the picture. We’re simply not wired that way anymore. That allows us to spend a lot of time together, really as brother and sister, worshiping, praying, studying, planning. I can’t tell you how rewarding it is.”

“And I can’t tell you how much fun it is to have someone like that in my life,” Kenny said, “plus adding the romance to it.”

“I’m happy for you. I really am.”

Once again, we’re forced to consider the contradictory messages that marriage and romance are both somehow wonderful and sacred and yet also unimportant and a distraction. And we’re forced to do this because the bible says both. And our authors cannot admit that the bible contradicts itself and thus are trying to reconcile how a and not-a can both be true.

Marriage is a wonderful, sacred partnership between two souls and once you’re died and zombified, God fundamentally alters you to make you less human and unable to love another human being in that way.

Sigh…

Kenny tells his uncle that he’s been talking with Kat about his Jr. God Squad stuff and Raymie says, “Gotta be careful. What if it doesn’t work out?”

Then it doesn’t work out. Do you think Kat would suddenly run over to the Other Light assholes and say, “Kenny is a spy!” How petty do you think she is?

Still, this pressure from Ignace and now Lothair to, in essence, put up or shut up weighs too heavily on me not to talk about it to the woman I love. She would be able to tell something was on my mind anyway, and it’s not fair to her to keep it from her.”

“And I gather that you haven’t—kept it from her, I mean.”

“No, I haven’t.”

“And what is she saying?”

“Kat thinks I should pursue it, do it right, and—unlike Qasim—act under the authority of the Force. In other words, make sure everybody knows what I’m doing so they can pray for me, keep track of me, and give advice.”

Again, why? Why does anyone need to be a spy when you already have the information you have.

Why does anyone need to be a spy when Jesus Christ is supposed to be here on Earth and knows everything already anyway and should be able to Charles Xavier you commands about what you should be doing ?

Why are there any fucking questions or confusion about any of this?

Where the hell is Jesus in this Kingdom of Jesus?

What’re you thinking, that you would visit them in France?”

“That or start feeding them bogus information. Just enough to keep them on the string.”

“I don’t know,” Raymie said, sighing. “If our goal is not to win them over, what is it?”

We are more than halfway through this book and you assholes don’t even know what goals your “secret” club should have?

WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN DOING ALL THIS TIME?

They rose to start heading back to work. Kenny said, “All I know is that if I don’t start playing their game soon, they’re going to know I’m not on their side. Maybe that’s not all bad. I can stick to what I know and what I believe I’m supposed to be doing—reaching the children right here.”

Yeah, that seems important. Also, I love it when a character points out that their entire “plot” is bullshit.

Or maybe you should go to France and open up a new chapter of Jesus’ home for orphans whose parents he murdered and other children.

Sigh…

Abdullah spends two more sections preparing to go see the local chapter of the Other Light.

The priest Yorik shows up and says, “Joshua and Caleb are going to visit the kids tomorrow.”

And Qasim talks to Kenny and says, “No, I am TOTALLY NOT a spy. NOT a spy at all.”

Have I mentioned how much I hate this book?

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