KC: The Idiot Plot Thickens…


KENNY HAD cleared several days off so he could complete his clandestine mission to Paris, but almost as soon as he got there he heard from Ekaterina, asking whether he could return and postpone his trip.

So Kenny is headed to Paris for really no good reason. Nothing comes of his trip. Nothing. He learns nothing. The Jr. God Squad learn nothing. There is no point to this excursion.

But despite learning from Kat that David is going to speak at the God’s School for Orphans He Made, Kenny is determined to drag this pointless bullshit out until Jerry Jenkins makes his page count, damn it!

“But I prayed about this, sweetheart. I know this is where God wants me…”

I know in this universe, God is real, but can I just tell you how many people I’ve known who were certain that God was speaking to them and telling them to do something and they did it and it exploded in their faces?

A lot.

That voice in your head, folks? That’s you. That’s not God. That’s not the Holy Spirit. That’s your brain talking to you.

Some of you might think you’re God, but no, it’s just your meat brain thinking stuff because of biochemical processes.

“Well, I’ll bet ol’ Qasim makes this one for sure.”

“Actually, he’s off the rest of this week too.”

You know, at this point, you’d think our idiot “heroes” would know that Qasim is compromised, but no. They have to carry the idiot ball further because we need pointless conflict, damn it.

So we’re back to Abdullah. This time he chats with Mudawar who is going to be visited by some higher ups on the Other Light organization. Abdullah offers to help clean the offices, but insists that he will be there when they arrive and suggests Mudawar paint the whole thing as his idea to contain the crazy Christian.

So Kenny finally meets with Lothair and Ignacio and we get some pointless spycraft bullshit before they start sharing their plans with him, which involves luring 30-60 year old “Kids” into parties and booze and drugs.

“You got a better idea?”

“Sure! Beat the believers at their own game. Raise up impressive, bright, humble young people who are a credit to society but who disagree about the future. Wouldn’t that be way more attractive to your potential recruits than thinking that this is all about getting away with illegal stuff?”

Lothair squinted at Kenny. “But how do you do that? How do you reach them? How do we make our side appealing?”

You don’t. Not in this universe.

“God is dead!”

“No, he’s not. He’s in Jerusalem.”

“Well, he’s a tyrant!”

“Yeah, but what choice do we have?”

“Fight Him!”

“Have you tried that?”

“What?”

“Fighting God? Have you tried to kill any of the Christians or zombies?”

“No.”

“But you’re assuming that some time in the next 900 years, you’ll invent a God killing weapon?”

“No… but there will be an army of us.”

“An army against an immortal army and an all powerful deity. What do you plan to do in the meantime?”

“Die at 100!”

“Die and go to God’s torture pit?”

“Yes! But when Satan wins, he’ll resurrect us!”

“So if you manage to pull off a miracle and kill an immortal army and an all powerful deity, then Satan becomes New God and you end up serving him forever?”

“Yes…”

“Which is different from being a slave to a tyrant… how?”

“Reasons!”

“Get the fuck out.”

But our three idiots think Kenny makes sense.

The three sat as if thinking, and Ignace began to nod. “You may be on to something.

And they invite him to Jordan to meet the group there. I wonder if they’ll run into Abdullah! Awkward and unnecessary tension coming! Gasp!

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