Sometimes I think the Death Eaters might have just been like this weird after school Goth club that got WAY out of hand. Like Tom, Lucius, Snape, and the gang were just hanging out at the pub one night slamming butter beers and Snape’s like, “Dude, you know who sucks?”
“Cats!” Peter Pettigrew said.
“Dumbledoor?” Lucius said.
“Everyone!” Tom says. “Everyone sucks but us, man!”
“Yeah, I guess so, but I was mostly thinking of Potter. I was totally gonna ask Lily to the prom, but he beat me to it.” Snape says.
“Were you really going to ask Lily?” Lucius says, “Or were you gonna sit in your bunk crying about it for three weeks?”
“I was thinking about it… I mean… I was thinking of thinking of asking her. But now that I think about it, Tom, you’re right, everyone does suck.”
“Yeah,” Tom said. “But you guys are cool.”
“You’re cool too, Tom,” Peter says.
“Shut up, Peter,” everyone said.
“Like we should do this more often. Why don’t we hang out more often?” Tom said. “We should totally hang out more often guys. The Not-Suck club.”
“We need a better name,” Lucius slurred. “Like something evil and dark and cool, man. The Warlocks… or Dragon Riders or Death something.”
“Death Eaters!” Tom said.
“Dude, that is so friggin’ cool, man. Like we eat death for breakfast!” Snape said.
“Yeah, man! And we should wear like awesome jackets!” Peter said.
“Or robes. Like black robes with super killer masks!” Lucius said.
“Dude,” Tom said. “That would be so friggin sweet.”
“You know what, guys? You know what? I have the best idea… guys… the best idea,” Snape said. “Two words… MATCHING TATTOOS!”
“DUDE!” everyone said before chugging the butter beer in front of them.
“It can be like a snake with a frigging skull, man. A SKULL!” Tom shouted.
“Oh my God. Let’s go get it done right now before we change our minds!” Lucius said.
“And conquer the world and enslave all of humanity!” Tom added.
“Yeah, sure…. Maybe,” Snape said. “But seriously, the tattoo guys!”