Category Archives: America

The impeachment of Donald Trump… How we got here: A helpful timeline.


11-2016: Donald Trump gets elected President.

1-2017: Donald Trump is inaugrated. He kicks off his presidency and it’s long list of lies by lying about how many people showed up.
Some Democratic voters: We should impeach the bastard!

Democratic leaders. Come on, guys, he hasn’t done anything yet. Let’s give him a chance and just focus on trying to make the best of things and get ready for 2018.

5-2017: Mueller investigation starts. James Comey is fired to put a stop to it.

Democratic voters: Okay, how can we impeach the bastard?
Democratic leaders: Let’s investigate the matter first.
Republicans: Eh… we really don’t want to.

11-2018: Democratic voters: Okay, you have a majority in the House now. Can you start really investigating the whole Mueller thing now?

Democratic leaders: Okay. But we’re going to be nice, slow, and deliberative.
Democratic voters: Ugggggh… why do you have to be so… responsible, damn it!?!

4-2019: Mueller report drops.
Bill Barr: Complete Exoneration.
Donald Trump: Complete Exoneration.
Democratic leaders and voters: That’s not what it says. We can read, you know.
Mueller: Yeah, that’s not at all what I said.
Republicans: COMPLETE EXONERATION! LALALALALALALAL!
Democratic voters: Impeach now?
Democratic leaders: Shh… let us investigate more. You guys start getting ready for 2020, okay?
Trump: 2020, you say? Hmm…

9-2019: Whistleblower complaint.
Whistleblower: Holy ****, everyone. The President tried to bribe the President of Ukraine to go on CNN and help him rig the 2020 election.
Trump: Read the transcript!
(Everyone reads transcript)
Democratic voters: You tried to bribe the President of Ukraine to go on CNN and help you rig the 2020 election.
Trump: Read the transcript!
Democratic leaders: You tried to bribe the President of Ukraine to go on CNN and help you rig the 2020 election.
Trump: Read the Transcript!
Republicans: That’s not what it says, and even if it does say that, he didn’t do it, and if he did it, he didn’t understand what he was doing, anyway, it’s not illegal, it’s completely normal!
Unlike lying about a blow job.

11-2019: Impeachment inquiry

Democratic leaders: Sigh… I guess we have no choice. Did Donald Trump do the shit?
Witnesses under oath: Yeah, he did the shit.
Republicans: I like paste!
Trump: TRANSCRIPT! SHIFTY SCHIFF! ARGLE BARGLE!!!
Republicans: Sigh… such leadership!


12-18-2019:

Democratic leaders: Well, shit… I guess we’ve got no choice. This idiot actually did try to bribe a foreign government to help him rig the election. Impeach him.
Democratic voters: Finally!
Republicans: YOU JUST WANT TO UNDO THE 2016 ELECTION! YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO IMPEACH HIM!
Some Democratic voters: Well, yeah, he’s a stupid corrupt assclown and a criminal.
Democratic leaders: Uh… have you guys actually met us? We’ve been dragging our feet on this shit for a year now. It’s not our fault he’s so stupid he tried to bribe a foreign leader to help him rig an election.

 

Tourists


If you are a Christian, you are a tourist in this world. Your country is not here. You have no country. You are not called to conquer or build a country here. You are a sojourner. A wayfarer. A traveler. An ambassador.

Your possessions, your money, whatever earthly citizenship you have is only in your possession so that you can effectively use them to help others with acts of compassion, charity, kindness, justice, and mercy.

That objection of nationalism you feel is from the world system you were born into and taught.

That objection to the nature of your possessions and wealth? That is also from the system you were taught and born into.

You own nothing. You possess nothing. You have no real home or nation here.

That is the life you were called to if you took upon yourself the name, “Christian.”

Daily word of wisdom…


If you’re actively rooting or praying for or trying to bring about or supporting policies and people who will hasten the world to its end… you’re the BAD guy.

Stop it.

What if…?


What if America was actually a Christian nation?

What if instead of loving Donald Trump, Christians looked up to Fred Rogers and Jimmy Carter?

What if we lived in an America where Christians didn’t scream about “in GOD we trust” or “MERRY CHRISTMAS” but quietly walked through the day focused on people. What if America was just full of Jimmy Carters and Fred Rogers out there encouraging people, loving them, helping them, hugging them, volunteering at hospitals, feeding the poor, putting blankets around refugees and inviting them into their homes?

What if Christians put even just 10% of the energy they spent on fighting abortion into fighting to provide basic social support for poor women and children? Or health care? Or reforming criminal justice to make it more colorblind?

What if Christian ministries demanded that they be able to pay taxes so they could support the poor?

What if we actually idolized the peacemakers instead of the great generals?

What if we actually listened to Jesus when he said, “Blessed are the merciful…”?

What if we agreed that while we may have a right to bear arms as Americans, as Christians, we choose to put the safety of others first and laid aside our ‘right’ trusting God to protect us and commending our bodies and souls to him?

Unlike the current Evangelical hellscape we currently reside in, that America sounds like a nice place to live.

Too bad hardly any Christians want to make that kind of a world a reality.

Love one another and get angry…


Do you ever sit around and think about the story of Jesus chasing the merchants and bankers and jerks out of the Temple?

Because it says in one of the stories that he twisted and braided some leather cords into a whip. Now, I’m not a crafter nor am I particularly good at braiding things, but I imagine that taking at least a little time.

Like he just walks in, sees a bunch of Gentile converts trying to pray and there’s this bazaar going on around them, and he just thinks, “This is not going to stand.”

So he storms off to a corner and says, “Find me some leather straps” to his bros. And they’re like… “Okay. Not the weirdest thing Jesus has asked us to do.” So they find him some leather straps. Maybe give him a few of their belts or sandal ties.

And Jesus sits down and starts crafting. Just furious twisting these leather braids around and all the while he’s just seething. Jaw clenched, hands moving quickly in jerky motions and the disciples are thinking, “Hey, Jesus… whatcha doing?”

“What does it look like? I’m making a whip,” he growls.

“Why?”

“Because I’m going to whip some jackasses, Peter. What do you think I’m going to do with a whip?”

And his boys just shut up because they’re used to “Oh, let’s heal the sick. Let’s feed the hungry. Let’s make the blind see” Jesus. But now, here in the midst of the most central religious place in Judaism, he is just piiiiiissssed. Kind of scary to see actually.

And he’s pissed because the religious people are treating this place like a place to make money. He’s pissed because the faithful coming to worship are getting gouged. He’s pissed because the Gentiles coming to seek God are getting the shaft by the religious people.

See, he’s always stood up for the little guy. He’s always said, “The last will be first” in this new kingdom. He’s touched the untouchable. He’s hugged outcasts and prostitutes and traitors.

And now he walks into his version of church and sees the faithful who should be hugging them with him, abusing them and treating them like crap and abusing his religion in the process.

So he sits in the corner just twisting that leather and seething. Until he’s done, then he calmly walks over to the nearest jackass, flips over the table and starts whipping the ever loving crap out of them.

Now I’m not a pastor or a priest or a religious authority. Hell, sometimes I wonder if God is listening or even up there.

But the one thing I take away from Jesus, the one thing that will stick with me through intellectual doubts or changing times, is to look out for the little guy. To care about the outcasts. To hug the people that polite society and some churches turn their noses up at.

Because if I don’t, If I treat them like crap and refuse to love them, then I’m being a jackass and I deserve to be chased around by one very pissed off Jewish rabbi with a homemade crafted whip.

Helping the last become first…


The last statistic I read showed that there were about 650,000 homeless people in America.

You could build them all tiny homes. Now costs vary, but for our purposes, we could use $15,000 as a good marker. Get you a loft bed, a tiny kitchen, maybe a pullout bed, and a bathroom. Doing the math, construction would cost 9.75 billion dollars. Factor in some land costs, let’s say 25-35 billion dollars as an initial one time investment.

Now we’ve got enough homes to house folks. But we have to keep them there.

For poor families, it’s not a problem. We’ll let them rent to own and not charge them interest. Let them pay 20% of their income a month back to the government to buy their homes in full.

For folks with drug problems and mental health problems, we’re going to need to invest in community centers and clinics to help them manage or overcome their addictions and get them any psychiatric help they need. So we’ll need to spend initial construction costs on those buildings, plus an annual investment in social workers and doctors.

Let’s say 1.5 million to build a community center in our tiny house neighborhood.  Another 1.5 to build our clinics. Now our homeless population is going to be spread out. So we’ll need to account for that. Let’s say we’ll need 500 of each. That would be another 1.5 billion dollars. Throw in land costs and we can probably bump that up to 20 billion, just to be conservative.

So far, we’ve had one major investment in America for the total of 45-55 billion dollars. That’s less than ten percent of the annual Defense budget and it’s only for one year and we will slowly recoup some of that money as poor families pay their rent to own fees monthly.

Now we’ll need to staff them. So we’re probably looking at another 10-20 billion in annual costs to start. There are also maintenance fees, but we can save costs there by hiring able bodies community members to do basic maintenance and earn money and credit towards purchasing your own house too.

We can plan public transportation routes near these tiny home communities to allow folks to travel into other neighborhoods where they can spend some of the money they’ve earned, we can build small parks, provide Wi-Fi to the community, plan spaces for community gardens, and have a farmer’s market. None of this would cost that much.

We can hire local artists to paint murals or decorate houses. Have the community centers hold job training, ESL, and basic financial classes.

Like I said, as a one-time outlay we could probably do all of this and more with 10% of the Pentagon budget for one year and maintain it for 40-60% of that cost annually. I don’t know for sure, I would have to have some professional accountants run the exact numbers. Right now, we’re just guestimating.

But that wouldn’t be that much to pay to end homelessness and bring a better life to those 650,000 people, would it? I don’t think so. We’d still be outspending the rest of the world on “defense” by an obscene amount.

But we won’t do that. Because of people who view poverty as a moral failing. Judgmental people who have never had to skip a meal or delay paying a bill or dig through couches to find loose change to go buy ramen because their job doesn’t pay them enough. Or maybe they have. And instead of letting that experience soften their hearts they get angry and they think, “I had to pull myself up. Why should I give them a hand? Why should I pay to give them a break? No one did that for me.”

Maybe you’re right.  Maybe no one did that for you. Maybe your family couldn’t. Maybe your friends didn’t.

But don’t you wish they had? Wouldn’t you have wanted someone… anyone… to come by in the lowest moment of your life and offer you their hand?

Instead of being the Christian who would scream, “It’s not fair!” maybe we could be the kind of people who rejoice that we’re helping the last become the first and giving people a chance to live better. Maybe not all of them would. But some would. And aren’t they worth it?

We’d be doing the work of the Kingdom of Heaven.

But I don’t think we will. Instead, I think a lot of people… a lot of Christians would be pouting on the sidelines complaining about their tax dollars going to Those people.

We could do nice things. We just don’t want to.

10 Gift Ideas for Christians in your life that you hate…


I was surfing around online and came across a Christian gift idea so stunningly awful that it sent me down the rabbit hole of unintentionally funny or bad Christian gifts. So to help you with your holiday shopping for your devout Christian friends and family, I’d like to present to you my holiday gift guide for Christians in your life that you hate.

Finally, a holiday gift for the Evangelical Christian who is also a massive Sons of Anarchy fan in your life:

bikerjesus

 

I hope your game at getting into heaven is better than your game on the court, son, or you will get REJECTED again!

basketball Jesus
Seriously, Jesus is like, “GET THAT LAYUP SHIT OUT OF MY FATHER’S HOUSE!”

Speaking of “Sports fan Jesus,” do you know what a 1st century Judean rabbi who lived in a desert his entire life would be super good at? HOCKEY!

hockey jesus

Continuing on the Sports theme, did you ever want a picture of ‘roided up Jesus pinning 19th century philosopher Karl Marx? You do nowMMAJesus

“BLESSED ARE THE RICH, KARL! FOR THEY ARE THE JOB MAKERS! OH YEAAAAAAAH!”

Continuing on with bad T-shirts, is this gem:

hentai jesus

Which I almost feel bad making fun of it, because I can just imagine it’s the product of some desperate wife out there saying, “Honey, I love Macross and Dragon Ball Z too, but you have to stop looking at tentacle porn! How can I compete with a 14 year-old Japanese schoolgirl with 44DDD breasts being raped by a tentacle monster?”

Also, obvious joke, “In Japan, Jesus always comes first…” is obvious.

And in more sex ideas, as if sex between two guilt ridden virgins who had been trained to think of sex as evil their entire lives wasn’t awkward enough, here’s a constant reminder that each time you do it with your spouse, it’s always a threesome because Jesus is there.

threesomejesus

He’s watching you guys. He knows where you’ve asked Sarah to stick that dildo, Bob… Marriage takes three…

And if you needed another reminder, Ghost Jesus is watching you masturbate.

ghostjesus

If you travel North, you’ll find Superman and Santa and Jesus.

GodCompass

The Lord might be my strength, but this is my knife. There are many like it, but this one is mine…

godknife

Are you a Christian who wants to let everyone know that you haven’t actually read the words of Jesus Christ?

Look no further than this gem of a coffee mug:

TrumpJesusmug

Heaven is a GATED COMMUNITY, LIBTARDS! WOO!

I hope that helps with your Christmas shopping, everyone.

Diatribe 1


http://friendlyatheist.patheos.com/2018/10/18/pat-robertson-dead-journalist-not-worth-risking-100b-worth-of-arms-sales/

God, I’m tired.

I’m also angry, but most of you know that.

And I’m profoundly sad.

See, I was raised as an evangelical. I was taught to love God and love Jesus and love the bible, and I did love God, love Jesus, and love the bible. I wanted to devote my entire life to God, Jesus, and the bible. I wanted to teach others about them. I believed the bible.

And even when I started to drift away from evangelicalism, I still loved God, Jesus, and the bible. I just read the latter a little bit differently.

If you look at the red letter stuff, there is some really good things in there: Don’t hoard possessions. Don’t resist evil with evil. Love your enemies. Do what is right. Seek God’s Kingdom and his justice and your needs will be provided. Never be afraid to give up your life for what is right. The last will be first. The poor will inherit the Kingdom while it would be easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into heaven. My kingdom is not of this world. Men seek power to dominate one another, but with you it will not be so.

But it is so. Just a few hundred years after its inception, Christianity had popes and emperors lording power over the laity. Matters of justice were forgotten.

And while we’ve had a reformation and schisms and religious wars, I’ve always held out hope that maybe those words in red letters would win out and produce a church that was humble, serving, dedicated to justice for the oppressed and forgotten.

But instead we have men like Franklin Graham, Jerry Falwell, Jr., and Pat Robertson there. Men who protect the powerful who are oppressing the people. Men who have traded morals and ethics for power. And 81% of the Evangelical church agrees with them.

They wallow in Trump’s cruelty. They laugh at his degradation of women and minorities. They excuse his moral violations. They overlook the injustices. They chant “Lock ‘em up!” And most of them dismiss taking children from their parents and putting them in cages. And they somehow claim that this is the will of God as if no one else has ever read the bible and can recognize that all of this shit is 180 degrees from the red letters.

Now here is Pat Robertson telling us that money is more important than doing what’s right.

So I have a question for you, Evangelical Christians:

How the fuck do you expect us to believe your religion, when you don’t even believe it yourself?

I know, the usual spiel is to look at Christ, not the Christians, but you have to know that’s bullshit, right? If 81% of your members look at the profane, misogynistic, xenophobic, immoral Trump and say, “That’s my guy! Build the wall! Lock them up!” That tells me a lot about your Christ. Or at least your view of Christ.

And if 81% of you can get your religion so wrong, what the hell good is it?

You know, if you were atheists, it would be one thing. You’d still be bad people, but at least you wouldn’t be blatant hypocrites.

But story after story in the Christian media fawns over this man, this opposite of Christ (you might say anti-Christ) and you expect me to take your religion seriously when you’re doing and supporting the exact opposite?

No, sorry. Doesn’t work that way.

So I am left with the conclusion that you really don’t believe in your religion. You can’t possibly believe in a God who continually tells you to treat the aliens and strangers with kindness and support a man who takes kids from their parents and puts them in cages or puts a two year-old child through immigration court.

You can’t possibly believe in a God who says “if you’ve done it to the least of these, you’ve done it to me” and then continually send a pack of rabid jackals to make the lives of the poor worse.

You can’t possibly believe that a God who will judge the living and the dead, a God who was wrongfully put to death by the State according to the bible, will listen to you say, “Yeah, but what about the money we were making selling arms?” and not condemn your inaction in the face of another man wrongfully murdered by the State,.

So if you can’t even believe your own shit, why should the rest of us?

To the 19% of you out there that maybe actually do believe your religion, good on you. Well done. Maybe you can convince the rest of your tribe to stop being unbelievers.

“Well, you see, when He said, ‘the least of these’ He really meant…”


Please, Trump voters and Evangelicals, tell me again how Trump is a moral person.

Tell me how Christian he is, guys.

Tell me how Jesus approves of this.

I dare you. I double dog dare you…

Will it Jew?


https://www.vox.com/2018/10/11/17961620/texas-evangelical-lgbtq-discrimination-lawsuit

Sometimes when I read the news, I like to play a little game that I call “Will it Jew?”

“Will it Jew?” is a very easy game. You just take a quote from someone or from a story about someone who wants to discriminate against one group of people and replace their group’s name with “Jew”.

For instance, this:

Two conservative Christian groups in Texas believe that businesses and employers have the legal right to discriminate against LGBTQ workers on religious grounds, and they’re trying to get the courts to back them up.

Becomes this:

Two conservative Christian groups in Texas believe that businesses and employers have the legal right to discriminate against Jewish workers on religious grounds, and they’re trying to get the courts to back them up.

Or this:

The US Pastors Council and Texas Values, two nonprofit evangelical groups, filed multiple lawsuits in state and federal court this week, claiming that Christian businesses and churches have a constitutional right to fire — or not hire — LGBTQ workers.

Becomes this:

The US Pastors Council and Texas Values, two nonprofit evangelical groups, filed multiple lawsuits in state and federal court this week, claiming that Christian businesses and churches have a constitutional right to fire — or not hire — Jewish workers

Or this:

“Texas Values will not hire or retain practicing homosexuals or transgendered people as employees, because their lifestyles are contrary to the biblical, Judeo–Christian understandings…”.

Turns into this:

“Texas Values will not hire or retain practicing Jews or Jewish people as employees, because their lifestyles are contrary to the biblical… understandings…”

The point of “Will it Jew?” being, of course, that if you can replace the group you’re talking about with the word Jew and it sounds like something Hitler would say… maybe it’s time to rethink your position.

Feel free to play along on your own. I hope you find it enlightening.