Category Archives: Church

We are very pro-life here…

Welcome to America.

We are very pro-life here.

Mind the bodies. COVID, you know… nothing to be done. Mandates? No, here we encourage people to do their own research on Infowars.

But we very much believe in the sanctity of life.

Kindly, keep your gaze from the ghosts on the right. They perished from the guns we make and sell. Many find their accusatory stares of the children to be discomfiting.

Personally, I don’t get it. There’s nothing we could do to stop it.

Every human life is precious and created in the image of God.

To your left, you’ll see the gallows where criminals are executed.

Yes, sir, unlike those godless countries, we value human beings.

Those? Oh, those are the ghosts of people who were killed by our police.

Guess they should have complied, am I right?

Every child is precious to us.

To your right, you’ll see the cemetery where the war dead are buried. It’s quite large.

We’re adding more space every day.

But life is precious to us.

Mind the hungry moochers over there. No, giving them anything to eat will just make them lazy and entitled.

Some people just don’t want to work for a living.

Yes, we love God and we love life here.

Thoughts on (white) Evangelicalism

When I departed Evangelicalism, part of the reason was that my observations of their behavior changed my definition of the core tenets of Evangelicalism: that one must hate LGBTQ people, that one must be anti-abortion, that one must vote Republican, and to simultaneously believe in an omnipotent god who could be cast out of schools and thwarted rather easily by laws.

These days, I’m more convinced than ever that to be a white Evangelical, one must embrace all of the seven deadly sins as virtues.

You must be proud, arrogant, assume you have all of the answers, and condescending to anyone who holds a different opinion. You are the best. Your church. Your religion. Your nation. Your history. Your culture. Your color of skin.

You must believe that greed is good, that the accumulation of wealth is not a moral flaw, but a God-approved thing. You must sneer at and dismiss the poor as lazy, stupid, or refuse. You must embrace libertarian economics. You must walk past sick Lazarus day and day and never take notice of his plight.

Lust. How many “scandals” are there now? Millions? Tens of millions? You must believe in a system of power where women are subordinate and where men are not expected to be able to control themselves and can indulge in their lust freely.

You must envy the more powerful, the more wealthy, let it drive you. Let your ambitions run free and take everything you can and give nothing back unless it’s by force.

You must consume. And I’m not talking just about food. For certain, food is a part of it. The laughing and ridiculing at suggestions that you cut down on meat consumption for the greater good. The systems you support that generate food waste while millions go hungry. Buying a giant truck or fuel inefficient car you don’t need and doing it with pride. Burning more and more fossil fuels. Deforestation. More. More. More. All to feed your appetites.

You must be angry. Constantly. Every man, woman, and child is your enemy and you are theirs. Blacks, Latinos, Asians, the LGBTQ, feminists, refugees, immigrants, liberals, scientists, doctors, doesn’t matter. They aren’t like you and therefore they must be evil. Guns. Must have more guns. Non-violence is for suckers. Life is a constant battle of all against all and there’s no way you’re going to give up a single inch to anyone.

Sloth is one that seems difficult to place at first, until I realized that all of the pursuit of wealth, power, and control, all of the rejection of a temperate, modest life is also a pursuit of a life of ease and convenience for them at the expense of others. I look at the exaltation of TFG’s work ethic when he spent a year of his administration golfing. The ultimate goal of climbing the ladder and fighting to stay on top is to enjoy all of the good things, while millions work and toil in misery to feed your desires.

Anyway, just a few thoughts that occurred to me.

The path to happiness…

Alright, let’s rip the band-aid off, shall we?

There is no one path to happiness or fulfillment or joy or success.

I am sorry to be the one to tell you that, but at the same time, I’m not sorry at all.

Because you’ve likely been told this lie in one form or another for your entire life. If you just do this, you’ll be happy. If you just follow these steps that I’ve found in life or the bible or the writing of Tony Robbins, you’ll finally find happiness. If you just obey what I’m telling you, you’ll find success, joy, fulfillment, and your “god-given” role.

Yes, with three easy steps, you can discover the meaning to life!

No, you can’t.

Well, at least you can’t like that.

Because there is no one path to happiness, fulfillment, joy, or success.

There isn’t even one definition of those things.

No, my dear human, if you want to find or even define those things, you’re going to have to do it yourself.

There is no one size fits all key to marriage.

There is no one solution for succeeding in your career.

There is no surefire instruction for being a good parent.

This is not to say that there aren’t good general moral and ethical guidelines you can use in your own journey, but it is saying that no two people will follow the same path to those goals.

Like every explorer in ancient times, you’re simply going to have to take the best instruments you can find, plot your own course, and find your own path. Maybe that path won’t lead you where you think you want to go.

It’s rather frightening, I know.

It’s much easier to buy into the programs others are selling you. The fake maps that promise surety. The fake guides that tell you that a city of gold or fountain of youth await just over the next mountaintop if you follow their paths.

But those paths will never lead you to where they promised.

You’re going to have to find your own way.

And maybe you won’t find the fountain of youth or your city of gold. Maybe you’ll find your Yosemite instead. It’s not where you wanted to go, but when you get there, you find it’s where you needed to be.

But I can’t promise you that.

All I can promise you is that you have a much better chance of finding your way to happiness going down your own path than you do following any “7 easy steps to true happiness.”

Now, get your instruments, plot that course, and may the winds be at your back.

The lessons the church has taught me…

I grew up in a church. I’ve been in one most of my life. I went to a bible college to become a pastor.

In all that time, I was given one message about God, all the while, another message was being taught to me by the actions of Christians in general and Evangelicals in particular. So I’d like to review the lessons I’ve learned.

You’ve taught me that God is more concerned with a fetus that isn’t even an inch long yet and cannot feel or think than he is with a classroom full of children who get murdered by a gun.

You’ve taught me that God thinks I’m a moral monster because if I were given the choice between saving my two children or 1,000 embryos from a fire, I would always choose my children. Always.

You’ve taught me that God thinks that character counts unless you’re a Republican who can give you something you want.

You’ve taught me that God cares more about the reputation of His church and institutions than he does about the victims of rape and sexual abuse.

You’ve taught me that God blames the victim.

Again, you’ve taught me that God cares more for the fetus that cannot think or feel yet, than he does for the rape victim who He wants to carry that fetus to term.

You’ve taught me that trying to provide health care to those without it (i.e. heal the sick) is Satanic and allowing for profit companies to charge people out of health care is God’s will.

You’ve taught me that God doesn’t want us to use the government to care for the poor, but he does want us to use the government to take care of and cater to the needs of the wealthy.

You’ve taught me that God doesn’t care about the refugees and he would just as soon prefer that they go back to their own countries and die out of the sight of the godly.

You’ve taught me that God hates the LGBTQ. I know you don’t like to say it any more. But it is what you taught me when you called AIDS a gay disease and cited Romans 1 to prove that AIDS was the penalty they deserved that they received in their bodies. You continued to teach it to me by telling me that they deserved hell for loving the “wrong” person. That they chose to be gay. That maybe they didn’t, but God was demanding that they live a life of constant struggle and denial of basic humanity. You continued to scream “God hates fags” as you sought to change religious liberty into a license to discriminate whether it was in baking someone a cake or letting them provide a home to foster children or adoptable children.

You taught me that God will judge America for accepting gay people and for abortion, but are remarkably silent about gun violence, our treatment of the poor, refugees, systemic racism, our unjust wars, and our past history of slavery and genocide.

You taught me that God thought slavery was a good thing because it meant that Africans were exposed to the gospel.

You taught me that God approved of the genocide of the Native Americans was a good thing because without it, America would not have come to be.

You taught me that God thinks black lives do not matter and he thinks that unarmed black men should be gunned down because they looked scary or smoked marijuana once.

You’ve taught me that God destroys towns and kills people with natural disasters but saves crosses and bibles.

You’ve taught me that God thinks America is the greatest nation on Earth and is above all other nations and peoples.

You’ve taught me that God elevated Europeans as the preeminent example of man with Christianity and “civilization”.

You’ve taught me that God thinks it’s taking His name in vain when I curse with “Jesus Christ” or “God damn it”, but He wants “In God we Trust” put on the money and the schools of a nation that floods the Earth with guns, engages in unjust wars, supports and gives aid to genocide in Yemen, and funds drug cartels and violent gangs in Central America.

You’ve taught me that God thinks bad words are four letter curses, but God ignores or approves of the things you say about one another outside of church.

You’ve taught me that God is a free market capitalist and any attempt to make the system more equitable or humane is godless socialism.

You’ve taught me that God sees a happily married man who raised two daughters and remained faithful to his wife as a foreigner and apostate, but God approves and chose a serial adulterer who raised children as corrupt, selfish, and greedy as himself.

You’ve taught me that God is okay with denigrating women and using and abusing their bodies for my personal gratification, so long as I’m in a position where I can give you something you want.

You’ve taught me that God created seven billion unique individuals with their own strengths and weaknesses, their own unique genetic code, their own hopes and dreams and aspirations, and then God told them that they have to act in exactly one of two ways based entirely on their genitalia.

You’ve taught me that the church of God is just another corrupt and morally vacant political lobby.

Is it any wonder I despise your god?

“Receiving Jesus…”

What if “receiving Jesus” isn’t some esoteric spiritual event or saying some magic prayer words?

What if it is receiving the homeless guy into your house for dinner?

What if it is helping the sick get care?

What if it means writing a prisoner and listening to them?

What if it means giving a shoulder to someone who needs to cry?

What if it means caring about the stranger in my country who needs my help?

What if it means welcoming the refugee?

What if it means standing against injustice and facing the consequences?

What if it means standing with the “sinners” against the religious?

What if it means standing between the adulteress and the religious mob that wants to stone her?

What if it means receiving the outcasts from your culture and walking them down the aisle at their weddings when their family refuses to do it?

What if it means the giving of hospitality by calling someone the name they’ve chosen or the pronouns they prefer and letting them use the restroom in peace?

What if Jesus isn’t some nebulous unseen Thing out there that you know from a book, but is the person you’re sitting next to on the train? Or the person sleeping in front of a store? Or the addict who hates his addiction, but feels trapped?

I think I’d like the sort of world where we all were taught to receive Jesus like that.

10 Gift Ideas for Christians in your life that you hate…

I was surfing around online and came across a Christian gift idea so stunningly awful that it sent me down the rabbit hole of unintentionally funny or bad Christian gifts. So to help you with your holiday shopping for your devout Christian friends and family, I’d like to present to you my holiday gift guide for Christians in your life that you hate.

Finally, a holiday gift for the Evangelical Christian who is also a massive Sons of Anarchy fan in your life:



I hope your game at getting into heaven is better than your game on the court, son, or you will get REJECTED again!

basketball Jesus

Speaking of “Sports fan Jesus,” do you know what a 1st century Judean rabbi who lived in a desert his entire life would be super good at? HOCKEY!

hockey jesus

Continuing on the Sports theme, did you ever want a picture of ‘roided up Jesus pinning 19th century philosopher Karl Marx? You do nowMMAJesus


Continuing on with bad T-shirts, is this gem:

hentai jesus

Which I almost feel bad making fun of it, because I can just imagine it’s the product of some desperate wife out there saying, “Honey, I love Macross and Dragon Ball Z too, but you have to stop looking at tentacle porn! How can I compete with a 14 year-old Japanese schoolgirl with 44DDD breasts being raped by a tentacle monster?”

Also, obvious joke, “In Japan, Jesus always comes first…” is obvious.

And in more sex ideas, as if sex between two guilt ridden virgins who had been trained to think of sex as evil their entire lives wasn’t awkward enough, here’s a constant reminder that each time you do it with your spouse, it’s always a threesome because Jesus is there.


He’s watching you guys. He knows where you’ve asked Sarah to stick that dildo, Bob… Marriage takes three…

And if you needed another reminder, Ghost Jesus is watching you masturbate.


If you travel North, you’ll find Superman and Santa and Jesus.


The Lord might be my strength, but this is my knife. There are many like it, but this one is mine…


Are you a Christian who wants to let everyone know that you haven’t actually read the words of Jesus Christ?

Look no further than this gem of a coffee mug:



I hope that helps with your Christmas shopping, everyone.

KC: Politics and the Evangelicals

WITHOUT SO MUCH as a call or an official invitation, Rayford Steele’s small band entered the Egyptian parliament building that had been rebuilt in Cairo during the first year of the millennial kingdom. Whatever had been going on, the entire place fell mute, and all heads turned to watch the men approach the dais.

We’re about to get a lesson from LaHaye and Jenkins about how they view authority. It is enlightening about them more than it is about God, of course. Despite being set in Egypt, it is especially enlightening if you’re from America or interested in American politics, because this is how LaHaye, Jenkins, and many Evangelicals view how politics should be conducted and their influence in America is quite strong.

First, you will notice that while the Egyptian politicians extend some courtesies to them, Rayford and his band do not return the gesture. They are the people in the right, so they disregard politeness or friendliness. They have authority. So they don’t need to act nicely to those beneath them.

Rayford had seen Tsion Ben-Judah in countless situations, but never had he seen him carry himself with such authority and—clearly—anger. “On your knees!” he shouted, and immediately the assembled slid from their chairs to the floor.

This is, of course, where the political enemies of LaHaye belong: on their knees, bowing to his authority. To the Evangelical, the matter is clear. They have God on their side. It doesn’t matter if everyone else thinks they have God or logic or science on their side to back up their positions, the Evangelical is sure that he alone has discerned the will of God Almighty and that it is his job to speak and our job to fall to our knees and obey.

“Woe to you, says the Lord God of Israel, for helping to scatter His people throughout the generations. He healed your land and reestablished you, populating you solely with believers until your offspring were born. Yet you kept the name of your nation, a stench in the nostrils of God. Egypt: ‘temple of the soul of Ptah,’ indeed! Ptah a pagan deity from generations past. Where is he in your time of need?

Okay, for the record, according to the bible, God sent the Jews to Egypt. (He didn’t, but let’s go with that.) God knew they would be enslaved.  (They weren’t, but you know…) Seems like God could have done something to avoid that.

Secondly, the name Egypt does indeed mean “temple of the soul of Ptah,” but that name was given to the country by the Greeks, not the Egyptians. The Egyptian name was Kemet, meaning “black country” in reference to the soil of the river delta. In Arabic, the name is Misr, derived from Mizraim, who was a biblical son of Ham.

You’d think Almighty God would know the etymology of a word and where that word came from. But maybe Google doesn’t exist in Jesus’ kingdom.

A man looking not much younger than Kenny stood. “Sir, if I may argue our side of the issue—”

“Your side? You are accursed! Or are you a believer, confident you shall live past your hundredth birthday?”

Back to politics once again. We’re right. We know exactly what God wants. There will be no discussion. No debate. No compromise. If you disagree with us, are you even a real Christian? We don’t know. Maybe not. Maybe you’re of the devil too.

“It merely happens that I respectfully disagree—”

“Respectfully? You are fortunate you remain on this earth, for God willed that your young compatriots become examples for the rest of this nation.”

You’re lucky you’re not dead for disagreeing with us.

This is why the amount of power that Evangelicals have in America is worrisome.

“But, sir, that is precisely our point. What kind of a loving God is so capricious that He would—”

“Demolish this building!” Tsion roared. “Rebuild it as a temple to the Lord. Delight in His ways. Seek His face. Follow His statutes. Never again disobey His commands. And henceforth this land shall be known as Osaze, ‘loved by God.’ Lest you fear that His wrath evidences something other than His love, imagine what He could have done in the face of this ultimate insult.

Ah, yes. What kind of a loving God would murder two people and collectively punish the rest of the nation?

An evil god.

A wicked god.

A weak god that could not even bother to come and reason with his children. He remains invisible while the people speaking in his name get to bully and make demands of others.

But LaHaye doesn’t bother to answer that question. They never bother to answer that question in this book.

Because they know best. They think they know God and this is the God they worship and proclaim. A God of unbending authority and power. A God conveniently absent who must rely on human vessels to proclaim his will, authority, and to exercise earthly power. Them. The pastors. Or, more broadly, the herd of Evangelicals who follow and obey those pastors.

They are to dictate and control. The rest of us are to fall in line or fall on our knees and obey their every whim.

Even if it involves stupidly renaming a country because they couldn’t even bother to Google “Egypt etymology.”

And this is why all good and decent people must fight to prevent them from ever holding earthly power and why the world is so dangerous right now as fundamentalists of every stripe fight to take us back to the days when religion and state were intertwined and clerics had the power to ruin men’s lives or take them at their will.

Rant: The Glamour

In fantasy books, an often used trope for witches or wizards is the glamour.

The glamour is a spell that makes the witch look appealing, attractive, beautiful to our heroes so they trust her. They go into her house. They eat her food. They think about staying the night. She’s so beautiful and kind that she couldn’t possibly be an evil witch that wants to murder us and eat our livers. It’s a point of tension because the reader knows that something is too good about the disguised witch while the characters blindly believe in her innate goodness.

But then, inevitably, something happens, maybe the witch cuts her finger while chopping vegetables or someone says something that makes her angry like, “I’m so glad you’re a beautiful woman and not some ugly crone of a witch” and the mask slips, the glamour drops for a second, and one of the heroes witnesses it. He sees that behind the ornate and beautiful mask, the reality that the witch is hideous in appearance and character. That moment, when the illusion is removed, when the mask slips, that is the truth. The outward appearance was the lie.

Which brings me to religion.

For a long time in this country, religion (and Evangelical Christianity in particular) has held a lofty place among us as the moral arbiters, the line judges of social mores. They would sit atop their ivory thrones and gaze upon the cultural landscape and lament that the rest of us weren’t living up to their “godly” standards of chastity and virtue and people would take them seriously.

And sometimes the mask slips. Like with Trump.

You may ask how people so uptight and moral about sex that they created an entire genre that hawked various purity items could embrace a serial adulterer and twice divorced man who speaks about sexually assaulting women.

Well, because that’s just the glamour.

All that talk about purity and keeping yourself pure? It’s not about sexual purity, it’s about control. Controlling women. Controlling men. Making them feel defective because of their humanity. Making them feel guilty about their sexuality and then selling them the cure, whether it’s purity rings or tickets to a new brotherhood crusade where they can cry and confess that they enjoy the sight of a woman’s breasts.

You might wonder how a people who say they believe that the bible is the very words of God arrive at a conclusion that immigrants and refugees should stay the fuck out of America. That America shouldn’t accept and help the needy and the poor or those fleeing violence. Often violence that we caused.

But that’s also just the mask.

Because in as much as many churches carryout ‘outreaches’ to help the suffering, it’s always over there. Over in their place. Not in our place. Goodness, no. Their place is over there. Our place is here. So we send the youth group to Mexico to stay at an orphanage overnight and pretend to dig a well. The people who run the orphanage practice better hospitality and probably spend more feeding them than they would have spent if they just hired laborers.

But we don’t invite them to come here.

You will find, in fact, that churches are some of the most segregated places in America. That’s because their place is over there with their talk of liberation and social justice. Our place is over here where we can smile and shake hands and not think about injustice or oppression.

We go to our nice, white, shiny, white, happy, white churches and enjoy fellowship with other nice, white, shiny, white, happy, white people.

And that’s the core of it, isn’t it?

That 81% of Evangelicals that supported Trump supported him because he promised to keep America a nice, white, shiny, white, happy, white place for those nice, white, shiny, white, happy, white people like them.

So, as we approach an election in which those 81% of nice white Evangelical voters go to the polls again to support racism, injustice, and white supremacy, don’t listen to their excuses. Don’t tolerate their false piety and hypocrisy.

Remember that beneath the happy, shiny, nice mask is the old ugly witch of white supremacy ready to kill you and eat your liver.

(And because I know some people might find my analogy offensive, I do sincerely apologize to any witches that read this. I’m just drawing on the old tropes and cultural images and do not mean to imply anything negative about your personal appearance or religion.)

Diatribe 1

God, I’m tired.

I’m also angry, but most of you know that.

And I’m profoundly sad.

See, I was raised as an evangelical. I was taught to love God and love Jesus and love the bible, and I did love God, love Jesus, and love the bible. I wanted to devote my entire life to God, Jesus, and the bible. I wanted to teach others about them. I believed the bible.

And even when I started to drift away from evangelicalism, I still loved God, Jesus, and the bible. I just read the latter a little bit differently.

If you look at the red letter stuff, there is some really good things in there: Don’t hoard possessions. Don’t resist evil with evil. Love your enemies. Do what is right. Seek God’s Kingdom and his justice and your needs will be provided. Never be afraid to give up your life for what is right. The last will be first. The poor will inherit the Kingdom while it would be easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into heaven. My kingdom is not of this world. Men seek power to dominate one another, but with you it will not be so.

But it is so. Just a few hundred years after its inception, Christianity had popes and emperors lording power over the laity. Matters of justice were forgotten.

And while we’ve had a reformation and schisms and religious wars, I’ve always held out hope that maybe those words in red letters would win out and produce a church that was humble, serving, dedicated to justice for the oppressed and forgotten.

But instead we have men like Franklin Graham, Jerry Falwell, Jr., and Pat Robertson there. Men who protect the powerful who are oppressing the people. Men who have traded morals and ethics for power. And 81% of the Evangelical church agrees with them.

They wallow in Trump’s cruelty. They laugh at his degradation of women and minorities. They excuse his moral violations. They overlook the injustices. They chant “Lock ‘em up!” And most of them dismiss taking children from their parents and putting them in cages. And they somehow claim that this is the will of God as if no one else has ever read the bible and can recognize that all of this shit is 180 degrees from the red letters.

Now here is Pat Robertson telling us that money is more important than doing what’s right.

So I have a question for you, Evangelical Christians:

How the fuck do you expect us to believe your religion, when you don’t even believe it yourself?

I know, the usual spiel is to look at Christ, not the Christians, but you have to know that’s bullshit, right? If 81% of your members look at the profane, misogynistic, xenophobic, immoral Trump and say, “That’s my guy! Build the wall! Lock them up!” That tells me a lot about your Christ. Or at least your view of Christ.

And if 81% of you can get your religion so wrong, what the hell good is it?

You know, if you were atheists, it would be one thing. You’d still be bad people, but at least you wouldn’t be blatant hypocrites.

But story after story in the Christian media fawns over this man, this opposite of Christ (you might say anti-Christ) and you expect me to take your religion seriously when you’re doing and supporting the exact opposite?

No, sorry. Doesn’t work that way.

So I am left with the conclusion that you really don’t believe in your religion. You can’t possibly believe in a God who continually tells you to treat the aliens and strangers with kindness and support a man who takes kids from their parents and puts them in cages or puts a two year-old child through immigration court.

You can’t possibly believe in a God who says “if you’ve done it to the least of these, you’ve done it to me” and then continually send a pack of rabid jackals to make the lives of the poor worse.

You can’t possibly believe that a God who will judge the living and the dead, a God who was wrongfully put to death by the State according to the bible, will listen to you say, “Yeah, but what about the money we were making selling arms?” and not condemn your inaction in the face of another man wrongfully murdered by the State,.

So if you can’t even believe your own shit, why should the rest of us?

To the 19% of you out there that maybe actually do believe your religion, good on you. Well done. Maybe you can convince the rest of your tribe to stop being unbelievers.

Will it Jew?

Sometimes when I read the news, I like to play a little game that I call “Will it Jew?”

“Will it Jew?” is a very easy game. You just take a quote from someone or from a story about someone who wants to discriminate against one group of people and replace their group’s name with “Jew”.

For instance, this:

Two conservative Christian groups in Texas believe that businesses and employers have the legal right to discriminate against LGBTQ workers on religious grounds, and they’re trying to get the courts to back them up.

Becomes this:

Two conservative Christian groups in Texas believe that businesses and employers have the legal right to discriminate against Jewish workers on religious grounds, and they’re trying to get the courts to back them up.

Or this:

The US Pastors Council and Texas Values, two nonprofit evangelical groups, filed multiple lawsuits in state and federal court this week, claiming that Christian businesses and churches have a constitutional right to fire — or not hire — LGBTQ workers.

Becomes this:

The US Pastors Council and Texas Values, two nonprofit evangelical groups, filed multiple lawsuits in state and federal court this week, claiming that Christian businesses and churches have a constitutional right to fire — or not hire — Jewish workers

Or this:

“Texas Values will not hire or retain practicing homosexuals or transgendered people as employees, because their lifestyles are contrary to the biblical, Judeo–Christian understandings…”.

Turns into this:

“Texas Values will not hire or retain practicing Jews or Jewish people as employees, because their lifestyles are contrary to the biblical… understandings…”

The point of “Will it Jew?” being, of course, that if you can replace the group you’re talking about with the word Jew and it sounds like something Hitler would say… maybe it’s time to rethink your position.

Feel free to play along on your own. I hope you find it enlightening.