Category Archives: Republicans

What if…?


What if America was actually a Christian nation?

What if instead of loving Donald Trump, Christians looked up to Fred Rogers and Jimmy Carter?

What if we lived in an America where Christians didn’t scream about “in GOD we trust” or “MERRY CHRISTMAS” but quietly walked through the day focused on people. What if America was just full of Jimmy Carters and Fred Rogers out there encouraging people, loving them, helping them, hugging them, volunteering at hospitals, feeding the poor, putting blankets around refugees and inviting them into their homes?

What if Christians put even just 10% of the energy they spent on fighting abortion into fighting to provide basic social support for poor women and children? Or health care? Or reforming criminal justice to make it more colorblind?

What if Christian ministries demanded that they be able to pay taxes so they could support the poor?

What if we actually idolized the peacemakers instead of the great generals?

What if we actually listened to Jesus when he said, “Blessed are the merciful…”?

What if we agreed that while we may have a right to bear arms as Americans, as Christians, we choose to put the safety of others first and laid aside our ‘right’ trusting God to protect us and commending our bodies and souls to him?

Unlike the current Evangelical hellscape we currently reside in, that America sounds like a nice place to live.

Too bad hardly any Christians want to make that kind of a world a reality.

Will it Jew?


https://www.vox.com/2018/10/11/17961620/texas-evangelical-lgbtq-discrimination-lawsuit

Sometimes when I read the news, I like to play a little game that I call “Will it Jew?”

“Will it Jew?” is a very easy game. You just take a quote from someone or from a story about someone who wants to discriminate against one group of people and replace their group’s name with “Jew”.

For instance, this:

Two conservative Christian groups in Texas believe that businesses and employers have the legal right to discriminate against LGBTQ workers on religious grounds, and they’re trying to get the courts to back them up.

Becomes this:

Two conservative Christian groups in Texas believe that businesses and employers have the legal right to discriminate against Jewish workers on religious grounds, and they’re trying to get the courts to back them up.

Or this:

The US Pastors Council and Texas Values, two nonprofit evangelical groups, filed multiple lawsuits in state and federal court this week, claiming that Christian businesses and churches have a constitutional right to fire — or not hire — LGBTQ workers.

Becomes this:

The US Pastors Council and Texas Values, two nonprofit evangelical groups, filed multiple lawsuits in state and federal court this week, claiming that Christian businesses and churches have a constitutional right to fire — or not hire — Jewish workers

Or this:

“Texas Values will not hire or retain practicing homosexuals or transgendered people as employees, because their lifestyles are contrary to the biblical, Judeo–Christian understandings…”.

Turns into this:

“Texas Values will not hire or retain practicing Jews or Jewish people as employees, because their lifestyles are contrary to the biblical… understandings…”

The point of “Will it Jew?” being, of course, that if you can replace the group you’re talking about with the word Jew and it sounds like something Hitler would say… maybe it’s time to rethink your position.

Feel free to play along on your own. I hope you find it enlightening.

One Nation Under God – 2


They sell the innocent for silver,
and the needy for a pair of sandals.

They trample on the heads of the poor
as on the dust of the ground
and deny justice to the oppressed.

“Now then, I will crush you
as a cart crushes when loaded with grain.

The swift will not escape,
the strong will not muster their strength,
and the warrior will not save his life.

I will tear down the winter house
along with the summer house;
the houses adorned with ivory will be destroyed
and the mansions will be demolished,”
declares the Lord.

There are those who hate the one who upholds justice in court
and detest the one who tells the truth.

You levy a straw tax on the poor
and impose a tax on their grain.
Therefore, though you have built stone mansions,
you will not live in them;
though you have planted lush vineyards,
you will not drink their wine.
For I know how many are your offenses
and how great your sins.

There are those who oppress the innocent and take bribes
and deprive the poor of justice in the courts.

Seek good, not evil,
that you may live.
Then the Lord God Almighty will be with you,
just as you say he is.
Hate evil, love good;
maintain justice in the courts.

“I hate, I despise your religious festivals;
your assemblies are a stench to me.
Even though you bring me burnt offerings and grain offerings,
I will not accept them.
Though you bring choice fellowship offerings,
I will have no regard for them.
Away with the noise of your songs!
I will not listen to the music of your harps.
But let justice roll on like a river,
righteousness like a never-failing stream!

One Nation Under God…


If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

Sessions

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.

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If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Trump Charity

Love is patient, love is kind.

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It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

Trump boaststrump boast 2

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil 

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but rejoices with the truth.

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It always protects,

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always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

The Trump-Kim talks


I don’t get political here as much anymore, but someone claiming to be a time traveler sent me a small clip from an audio file… and, well, if you live in Hawaii, you should probably consider moving to the mainland.

Trump: Kimmy, may I call you, Kimmy?
Kim: No. And may I say what large and impressive hands you have, Mr. President.
Trump: Thank you, Kimmy, I’m glad you noticed. Now look, we can’t have you building nukes that can hit America. Some of my voters live there.
Kim: Okay, we will stop new ICBM tests. (Because we’re confident in our existing supply.)
Trump: That is great news.
Kim: In exchange, we would like a formal end to the Korean war and the withdraw of your troops from the Demilitarized Zone.
Trump: I think we can do that. What about nuclear tests?
Kim: We will suspend nuclear tests. (Because our testing site collapsed.)
Trump: You are a great man. What can we do for you?
Kim: Renewed economic aid.
Trump: Done.
Kim: And lastly, we put the great name of Trump on our tallest, most impressive hotel, the Ryugyong Hotel that stands majestically over Pyongyang.
Trump: I knew you were okay. Everyone else tried to tell me you were a bad man, but I said, “I know Kimmy is a good guy. Great guy.”
Kim: Thank you, Mr. President. We would also like Hawaii.
Trump: Deal. It’s not even a part of the United States.

God answers Mr. Moore


“Hi, Roy, God here. Yes. The Almighty God, creator of heaven and Earth and all that other stuff. You lost. You lost because you’re mean small man. You lost because everything you stand for is an affront to me. You see, you’re obsessed with other people’s morality and you lack your own morals. I think my Son said something about that in his Sermon on the Mount. You should probably read that.

“More than that though, you are more obsessed with what people do with their sex parts than you are with the fact that millions of poor children are about to lose their access to healthcare, that millions of young men and women have had their lives ruined because you treat addiction like a crime instead of a chronic disease that requires medical and psychological intervention.

“You worry about prayer in schools, but you don’t worry about the hungry child praying to me silently for food. You call him a freeloader. You don’t worry about the child praying that please, could they stop picking on him for one day, just one day? You tell him to toughen up. You don’t worry about the child who prays because his parents, his preacher, and you call him an abomination because he’s attracted to other boys or other girls.

“You worry about zygotes and fetuses, but you don’t worry about providing poor mothers with options or healthcare for their developing infants, you don’t worry about providing a safe space they can leave their babies and children if they have to go work, and you don’t worry about the millions of people living in hopelessness and poverty who are left behind by the very agenda you push. And you definitely don’t worry about the young unarmed black man lying in the street shot by a police officer. You call him a thug. Or the men and women who will die this year because someone will take their lives with a gun.

“Well, I hear them, Roy. I hear all of them every day. And we can argue about why I haven’t fixed it all, or you can start hearing them too and become part of the solution.

“Others hear them already and they are acting. They are tired of the injustice, they are tired of the oppression, they are tired the hatred, they are tired of the violence, and they are moving and my Spirit moves with them.

“So go home and rethink these words, “I desire mercy, not sacrifice” and “you’re straining at a gnat and swallowing a camel.” Then join those people fighting for what matters. Maybe start by apologizing to the women you hurt. What is right is not always easy, but it will be good for your soul.

“Sincerely, God”

 

Free Speech


For the record, the 1st amendment, within limits of public safety, prohibits the government from punishing you because you say something the powers in charge do not like.

The 1st amendment does NOT prohibit your fellow citizens from standing up and shouting back at you that you’re a racist shithead Nazi traitor. Nor does it prevent your employer from deciding they don’t want a racist shithead Nazi traitor representing their company. Nor does it protect you from being called a racist shithead Nazi traitor on the Internet when you say or act like a racist shithead Nazi traitor.

Nor does it prevent this blogger from saying that your racist shithead Nazi ‘Free Speech’ rallies are like a toddler shitting his pants and wiping it on the wall and being surprised when people who don’t shit their pants or show it in public are mad at him.

Here endeth the lesson.

A modest healthcare proposal…


Someone has leaked some of the negotiations between Congress and the White House on reforming healthcare:

“Okay, let’s start this meeting. We need a strategy on reforming health care. Bitch?”

“It’s Mitch, Mr. President.”

“Not from where I’m sitting. Bitch? What’s the strategy for getting this through the Senate.”

“Well, many of our colleagues our convinced that forcing 22 million people off of health insurance would be bad for their electoral chances, but several of them are convinced that we’re not forcing enough people off of health care. Right now we’re trying to figure out how to be more cruel… but in a nice way. Senator Cruz suggested a compromise where some poor people can have health insurance, but only if they eat a live puppy.”

“Puppies are good. People love puppies. I like it. We’ll get good ratings. I, of course, prefer pussy. But I get it. Paula?”

“Paul, Mr. President.”

“Are you into this whole puppy eating thing?”

“The House Freedom caucus objects to the government giving free food to anyone, even if it is a rather cute puppy that they must horribly butcher and eat raw. They suggest that people have to go and buy a puppy on their own to eat.”

“But what if they can’t afford their own puppy?”

“The Freedom caucus suggested as an alternative that they could eat one of their children. That’ll not only feed them, but also free up some of their income so they can pay higher insurance premiums.”

“I like it. Always a parent’s prerogative to eat the weaker of their spawn. Tried to do that with Tiffany, but she was just so fast and nimble. Could never get the drop on her. Just like her old man. Let’s go with that then.”

Inauguration Day 2017…


Oh look, Mr. Trump has arrived at the White House… isn’t that nice?

sauron

How Welfare reform works (Maine edition)


Scene: The beautiful state of Maine:

Citizen: “I’m poor and need to eat. Please help me.”

Maine: “F*** you!”

(six months later)

Maine: “The number of our welfare recipients has fallen! Thus there are no more hungry people! Therefore, our reform plan was an unmitigated success!”

 

Citizen: “I’m still hungry…”

 

Maine: “An unmitigated success…”