Category Archives: United States

A Tale of Two Countries…

The king was a vain, insecure man. A vicious brute who would last out and murder his critics. A small man trying to be big. He built monuments to himself and his glory.

And when the Kingdom of Heaven was at his doorstep, challenging his insecurities, calling him to a better path, he did what all small, insecure men do, he bullied the weak, the powerless, and the helpless.

He stole their children.

16 Then Herod, when he saw that he was deceived by the wise men, was exceedingly angry; and he sent forth and put to death all the male children who were in Bethlehem and in all its districts, from two years old and under, according to the time which he had determined from the wise men. 17 Then was fulfilled what was spoken by Jeremiah the prophet, saying:

18 “A voice was heard in Ramah,
Lamentation, weeping, and great mourning,
Rachel weeping for her children,
Refusing to be comforted,
Because they are no more.”

The Kingdom of Heaven, if there is such a thing anymore, still calls out. It still stands on the doorstep. It still challenges venal, insecure brutes to let go and act to help the weak, the powerless, and the helpless.

And wicked tyrants still lash out at the vulnerable.

So it goes…

But please, do tell me of your good Christian virtues and how God anointed this pathetic waste of a human soul to lead this country to ‘greatness’.

Air America

I’m on a plane.

Looking out the window, a gremlin is busy tearing up shit on the wing.

I look across the aisle to the other window. Birds have flown into the engine and it’s on fire.

Behind me, a flight attendant is holding off a pack of hungry zombies with the drink cart and bags of peanuts.

The intercom comes on. Finally, the pilot will tell us what to do.

“This is Captain Trump, everything is fine. This is the best flight that ever was. Also, there’s a Korean airliner in our way, but I’m not moving. He has to move out of our way. Out of my way.”

No one else seems to pay attention. They’re all busy watching the in-flight movie: “Dumb and Dumber.”

I put my head between my knees and scream.

Being white…


I think they miss the point. It’s not “okay” to be white. It’s f***ing great.

Seriously, it is.

I’m a white, straight, CIS, nominally Christian male and holy crap, did I hit the jackpot being born in America.

The police don’t bother me. They don’t pull me over because of my skin color. They don’t stop and frisk me because I “look like a criminal.” They don’t shoot at me or my kids. They even call me “Sir” and don’t assume I’m a criminal when they look at me.

Everyone in power cares about what I have to say, since I’m also in that age demographic of 35-45.

I see positive representations of me everywhere in the media. If there’s a hero in a movie, he probably looks like I would look if I had six months of a personal trainer and dietician.

Hell, even in books, the white male hero can be nebbish and bookish and still kick ass. Thanks, Dan Brown and Tom Hanks.

I get more call backs for job interviews. I get more credit offers. Heck, even after a bankruptcy, they kept coming with 0% financing, would you also like a car loan, Sir? Can I get you a house too?

And I can live just about anywhere without racist shitheads harassing me or attacking and killing my son for walking in the neighborhood carrying Skittles and iced tea.

Nobody would object to me dating their daughter simply because of my skin tone.

When people look at me, they don’t cross the street if I’m walking towards them. They make positive judgments about me.

I’m not harassed at work or on the street. I’m not grabbed at by horny assholes. No one has ever called me into a meeting and exposed their genitals to me.

No one has ever passed a law specifically for me telling me where to pee.

And that is all fucking great.

For all the other problems in my life, those things are great.

The problem is that none of this would be true if I were born to a black couple.

Or a Latino couple.

Or if I were born gay.

Or if I were born trans.

Or if I were a Muslim

Or a Jew.

Or even a woman.

And that is the point.

So maybe instead of making life all about ME ME ME ME ME… we should start to put ourselves into the shoes of other people. People with different lives, different experiences. People who have experienced things I have not. And perhaps we should have compassion.

And more than compassion, perhaps we should get angry at the injustice that not everyone has what I’ve been given simply by an accident of birth. Perhaps we should stand with them and work for and educate others to pursue justice and basic human dignity and equality for all.

Why there was a Civil War in America – A primer for the President

Dear Mr. President, I hope you find this primer useful in answering your question of why there was a Civil War in the United States.

You see, once upon a time, some people decided that work would be a lot easier and cheaper if they didn’t have to do it themselves or hire others to do it for them, so they came up with the idea of buying human beings and forcing them to work for free in their fields. Naturally, people objected to being forced to work for free, so they beat some of them and killed others to set an example and “worker” complaints stopped.

They also decided that it would be pretty awesome to rape some of the women they bought. So they did.

And just to add the white supremacy cherry to being an insufferable asshole sundae, they also broke families apart and sold husbands, wives, and children to other insufferable assholes.

One day, some people said, “This is not cool and not Christian at all.”

The insufferable assholes said, “Totes cool, and look at these bible verses.”

The cool people said, “You’re kind of missing the point. We’re going to try to change the laws to stop this monstrosity.”

The insufferable assholes said, “We’re going to change the law to support it. And if you win control of the Presidency with this Lincoln character, we’re going to take up our ball and go home.”

The country elected Lincoln, and he was like, “Hey, guys, I’m cool.”

And the insufferable assholes of South Carolina said, “Fuck you, Abe” and shot at an American fort. Then they go together and drafted a letter of secession which said, “We love owning black people and you can’t make us stop, so fuck you, America.”

And then other states drafted letters of secession that said the same thing.

And the rest of America looked at their crazy ass backwater shitstain relatives and said, “You can’t leave the Union and you can’t own people and you shot up our fort. Of course you know, this means war.”

So we had a war and Robert E. Lee betrayed his country to go fight for the right to own people and was responsible for the deaths of more Americans than Al Qaeda could ever dream of killing.

But the cool people won the war, and slavery was outlawed. But the cool people weren’t exactly committed to the idea of letting black people be full citizens either, so rather than root out all of the insufferable assholes who killed good Americans, the ‘cool’ people just sort of forgot about everything and let the insufferable assholes continue to run the South and call slavery ‘share-cropping’ and ‘Jim Crow’. There was money to be made after all, and a few more Native American tribes to genocide.

And we all lived happily ever after… except for the native Americans and black people… and Chinese immigrants who built the railroads for us… the Irish for a while there, but they’re cool now… well, okay, the white folks lived happily ever after and that’s what really matters, right?  (Just to be clear, Mr. President, this last paragraph was what we call sar-casm… have Ivanka look it up on Google for you, Sir.)


From the ‘greatest nation on Earth’ and a country ‘founded on Christian beliefs’ comes more cheery news

The number of homeless children in the U.S. has surged in recent years to an all-time high, amounting to one child in every 30, according to a comprehensive state-by-state report that blames the nation’s high poverty rate, the lack of affordable housing and the impacts of pervasive domestic violence.

Titled “America’s Youngest Outcasts,” the report being issued Monday by the National Center on Family Homelessness calculates that nearly 2.5 million American children were homeless at some point in 2013. The number is based on the Department of Education’s latest count of 1.3 million homeless children in public schools, supplemented by estimates of homeless pre-school children not counted by the DOE.

Given the Congress we all just elected, I’m guessing nobody gives a damn about this. Or they think the solution to is to repeal child labor laws and repealing the minimum wage laws so the homeless kids can find full time jobs making $2.50 an hour.

And once again, I’d also like to mention that we spend more on ‘Defense’ than the next 26 countries combined to the tune of 640 billion dollars.

Somehow I’d like to think we could find some money to spend on the common good of helping children find a goddamn home.