Tag Archives: Comics

Movie reviews for parents who don’t get out to the movies: Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice


I haven’t done this feature in a while, but this movie deserves a write up, I suppose.

Truth be told, I liked Man of Steel the first time I saw it. It was not a perfect movie, by any means, but it was enjoyable on the whole provided I didn’t think that much about what would really happen if two supermen were to fight amongst populated buildings in downtown DC’s New York analog.

So I was looking forward to the sequel where they might… just might… take some of the criticisms of the first movie into account and craft a better Superman story.

Instead, we got Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice. Spoilers follow.

Being on the internet for as long as I have, I’ve heard all sorts of criticism of this movie, and most of it is true, but a lot of the vitriol behind those criticisms seems unworthy.

Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice just doesn’t deserve that level of emotion because it doesn’t earn it. It doesn’t earn any emotions really.

For the movie’s greatest sin isn’t turning Batman into a deranged homicidal vigilante or Superman into a joyless mope who is almost a secondary player in his own sequel or Doomsday into a retreat of 2008’s the Incredible Hulk’s Abomination, or the plot holes, the unanswered questions regarding superpowered vigilantes and how they should be treated by people and the government, Jesse Eisenberg’s curious acting choices playing Lex Luthor, or the resolution of the titular character’s pointless conflict based on having a mother with the same name.

The problem isn’t even Batman’s fever dreams of a future where Superman is tyrant of the world.

The movie’s greatest sin is that it is all dreadfully dull.

Zach Snyder and Warner Brothers have managed to take a bright vibrant comic book universe with over the top action and turn it into a movie where I was frequently checking how much time was left on the Blu-Ray.

pg-16-batman-superman-1

“Pointless conflict… pointless conflict… I’m going to murder you… Your mom has the same name as my mom? SQUUUUEEEEEEEE! Besties!” – There I just save you three hours of your life.

It wasn’t a horrible movie, it wasn’t a good movie, it was… just sort of there. The type of movie I might turn on as background noise if I wanted to do housework or workout, but not something I would actively pay attention to and not a movie that demands I pay attention to it.

Even during the finale in which Doomsday faces off against Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman, I was asking myself, “Is this it?”

Well, no, it isn’t it, because the ending sets up the inevitable sequel where Justice must be Dawned or something, and I just don’t care.

A Fantastic Four movie that probably wouldn’t suck…


Welcome to a new feature I’ll dub “A (blank) movie that probably wouldn’t suck…” in which I pitch my 1 page idea for a movie from a failing franchise that I think would improve and revitalize it.

First up, the Fantastic Four.

Credits. It’s the 60’s. A swinging new era of science where anything is possible. Space race. Reed builds a spaceship and takes his team into space. They get hit with cosmic power and change. Montage of different fights and newspaper headlines celebrating their fights: mole people, robots, green shapeshifting space aliens, etc.

Opening is the FF mopping up with an army of Atlanteans. Big action piece. Every team member gets to shine: Johnny melts a tank and drives off platoons of soldiers, Ben punches one tank and hurls another back into the harbor, Sue repulses various soldiers, Reed twists and turns through blaster fire twisting around various soldiers and flinging them about. They confront the Atlantean leader and Sue ends up stopping the fight by convincing Namor to give Reed time to convince the president to stop underwater atomic tests. Namor threatens to be back if they don’t.

Reed and the team at the White House getting an award from Kennedy. Kennedy invites them to stay for dinner as the Latverian premier who is in town asked to meet them. It’s Doom.

Doom hits on Susan non-stop at dinner and Doom and Reed trade barbs. They have an obvious past. Doom also sows dissention between Reed and Ben. He plays into Ben’s insecurity, wondering why if Reed is so brilliant, he hasn’t found a way to let Ben keep his powers, but look as normal as everyone else. While they’re at dinner, someone breaks into the Baxter Building and steals a blueprint of Reed’s. They deliver it later that night to Doom.

Later, Doom is in a lab working on a giant robot using a component he built from the blueprint that he stole from Reed. Reed discovers that someone broke into their home and suspects Doom. He and Doom were partners once, then rivals, and finally they broke with one another after an accident Doom blamed on Reed, but was due to Doom’s arrogance. He and Susan get into a fight over what happened that night. This opens up the door to a general fight. Ben leaves and goes for a walk, Reed goes back to his lab. Susan goes on a date with Doom. Johnny goes to try and track down the thief.

Doom has used Reed’s blueprint to construct an energy collector which he installs in a giant robot he has built. While the team is fighting, he unleashes the first robot on New York. The twist is that Doom intends for the FF to fight and destroy them. Doom needs the cosmic energy that transformed the team, so as they fight the robots, the robots are absorbing the energy the FF throws at them and once they are destroyed or compromised, the robots beam it via satellite back to Doom’s castle where he is using it to empower a time machine.

He unleashes a total of three robots on the team with each robot more difficult than the one before, Reed cracks what is really happening and traces the energy back to Doom, where the team confronts him.

Doom plans to take his technology and superior intellect back to the past before the nuclear age and conquer Latveria before the communists have a chance to kill his mother, then he plans to conquer the world. There is a fight. He is just as brilliant as Reed and uses gadgets and his skill to hold them off: his armor, smaller Doombots, weapons, but the team overcomes them all and Doom refusing to be beaten by them arrogantly attempts to use the stored cosmic power for his time machine on himself to gain powers. Something goes wrong and the time machine explodes and the team finds themselves in 2015. Doom is nowhere to be seen. The team is confused and distraught. Maybe throw in a cameo from another superhero. Reed promises to build a copy of Doom’s machine and get them back home, but for now, the team resolves to face this new future together.

Mid-credits sequence: Doom awakens to a hospital light shining in his eyes. His thief cohort, much older, welcomes him back as various doctors work on him. Doom asks where he is, the thief says “Home.” Zoom out to Doom’s castle in Latveria.

In a post-credit sequence, the Silver Surfer is through the galaxy when the temporal energy wave from the time machine rift knocks him off his board. He looks in the direction of the wave and sees Earth. He says, “I’ve found one, Master.” Cue a shadow shaped like Galactus’ helmet moving across the surface of a planet.

Ant-Man trailer


Here’s a new trailer for Ant-Man that makes the movie look good. Though it does have a bit of an Iron Man vibe to it with the armored corporate villain.

Next up? The Flying Graysons….


Or maybe the adventures of Hal Jordan, test pilot. Makes as much sense as having a Superman prequel focusing on Supe’s granddad.

Syfy and Warner Horizon Television have teamed for Krypton, a one-hour drama about Superman’s grandfather set at the fictional planet.

Batman vs. Darth Vader


Really, unless Batman packs an anti-Force spray in his utility belt, this fight should have been over in 5 seconds.

Batman: Give it up, Vader. You can’t beat me. I’m Batman!

Vader: <lifts hand and uses the Force to telekintetically crush every bone in Batman’s body> “I find your lack of faith… disturbing.”

Nerd News Roundup


The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Cinema Blend has an interview with Hobbit star Evangeline Lily.

http://www.cinemablend.com/new/Evangeline-Lily-Introduces-World-Tauriel-Set-Hobbit-39902.html

Thor: The Dark World

Here’s a clip of the Warriors Three fighting dark elves and Thor, who knows how to make an entrance.

Mr. Peabody and Sherman

(h/t io9) http://io9.com/how-many-beloved-characters-will-die-of-the-walking-dea-1447482786

Here’s a picture of our time travelling canine and his human companion… which sounds familiar, did the Doctor ever own a puppy?

mrpeabody

I grew up with this stuff second hand (my old man liked the Bullwinkle cartoons so much when he was younger that he watched them whenever they were on while I was growing up) and this looks like it might not be entirely awful.

Frozen

And here is the trailer for Disney’s movie Frozen, their retelling of The Snow Queen.

Nerd News Roundup


Superman

Happy 75th anniversary. Here’s a video from Bruce Timm and Zach Snyder celebrating it. It’s pretty cool.

Man, I don’t know how much collaboration between the two happened, but if this was the result, I’ll just say that damn, I wish Warner Brothers would get Timm involved in the live action movies too as a writer, producer, consultant, whatever. The guy gets their superhero characters.

Arrow

Hey, Black Canary is in town. Here’s a pic that Stephen Amell tweeted of Green Arrow working with her.

Arrow-Canary-550x366

Kingdom Hearts 3

And here’s a gameplay trailer for the next game in the Kingdom Hearts series wherein your favorite Disney characters team up with your standard JRPG heroes to stop the standard evil threat to the multiverse.

Looks fun.