Tag Archives: Fantastic Four

A Fantastic Four movie that probably wouldn’t suck…


Welcome to a new feature I’ll dub “A (blank) movie that probably wouldn’t suck…” in which I pitch my 1 page idea for a movie from a failing franchise that I think would improve and revitalize it.

First up, the Fantastic Four.

Credits. It’s the 60’s. A swinging new era of science where anything is possible. Space race. Reed builds a spaceship and takes his team into space. They get hit with cosmic power and change. Montage of different fights and newspaper headlines celebrating their fights: mole people, robots, green shapeshifting space aliens, etc.

Opening is the FF mopping up with an army of Atlanteans. Big action piece. Every team member gets to shine: Johnny melts a tank and drives off platoons of soldiers, Ben punches one tank and hurls another back into the harbor, Sue repulses various soldiers, Reed twists and turns through blaster fire twisting around various soldiers and flinging them about. They confront the Atlantean leader and Sue ends up stopping the fight by convincing Namor to give Reed time to convince the president to stop underwater atomic tests. Namor threatens to be back if they don’t.

Reed and the team at the White House getting an award from Kennedy. Kennedy invites them to stay for dinner as the Latverian premier who is in town asked to meet them. It’s Doom.

Doom hits on Susan non-stop at dinner and Doom and Reed trade barbs. They have an obvious past. Doom also sows dissention between Reed and Ben. He plays into Ben’s insecurity, wondering why if Reed is so brilliant, he hasn’t found a way to let Ben keep his powers, but look as normal as everyone else. While they’re at dinner, someone breaks into the Baxter Building and steals a blueprint of Reed’s. They deliver it later that night to Doom.

Later, Doom is in a lab working on a giant robot using a component he built from the blueprint that he stole from Reed. Reed discovers that someone broke into their home and suspects Doom. He and Doom were partners once, then rivals, and finally they broke with one another after an accident Doom blamed on Reed, but was due to Doom’s arrogance. He and Susan get into a fight over what happened that night. This opens up the door to a general fight. Ben leaves and goes for a walk, Reed goes back to his lab. Susan goes on a date with Doom. Johnny goes to try and track down the thief.

Doom has used Reed’s blueprint to construct an energy collector which he installs in a giant robot he has built. While the team is fighting, he unleashes the first robot on New York. The twist is that Doom intends for the FF to fight and destroy them. Doom needs the cosmic energy that transformed the team, so as they fight the robots, the robots are absorbing the energy the FF throws at them and once they are destroyed or compromised, the robots beam it via satellite back to Doom’s castle where he is using it to empower a time machine.

He unleashes a total of three robots on the team with each robot more difficult than the one before, Reed cracks what is really happening and traces the energy back to Doom, where the team confronts him.

Doom plans to take his technology and superior intellect back to the past before the nuclear age and conquer Latveria before the communists have a chance to kill his mother, then he plans to conquer the world. There is a fight. He is just as brilliant as Reed and uses gadgets and his skill to hold them off: his armor, smaller Doombots, weapons, but the team overcomes them all and Doom refusing to be beaten by them arrogantly attempts to use the stored cosmic power for his time machine on himself to gain powers. Something goes wrong and the time machine explodes and the team finds themselves in 2015. Doom is nowhere to be seen. The team is confused and distraught. Maybe throw in a cameo from another superhero. Reed promises to build a copy of Doom’s machine and get them back home, but for now, the team resolves to face this new future together.

Mid-credits sequence: Doom awakens to a hospital light shining in his eyes. His thief cohort, much older, welcomes him back as various doctors work on him. Doom asks where he is, the thief says “Home.” Zoom out to Doom’s castle in Latveria.

In a post-credit sequence, the Silver Surfer is through the galaxy when the temporal energy wave from the time machine rift knocks him off his board. He looks in the direction of the wave and sees Earth. He says, “I’ve found one, Master.” Cue a shadow shaped like Galactus’ helmet moving across the surface of a planet.

Because I’m sick and want to share my misery…


Sorry for not posting much.

Here’s a trailer for the Fantastic Four movie that desperately is trying to hide the fact that it’s a movie about people with superpowers fighting a man who wears a metal mask and calls himself Doom, and not a serious drama about science.

This thing practically screams, “Pretentious!”

Nerd news…


Now for something a bit different than my descent into heresy and apostasy.

  • There is no way this is happening, people. No way. Everyone at Sony is going to sober up or come down off their high, realize the terrible, awful things they have done, and disavow this very quickly.

    "I GREENLIT WHAT?"

    “I GREENLIT WHAT?”

  • On the other hand, an Aunt May movie does sound a hell of a lot better than what Fox is doing with the Fantastic Four reboot.
  • Not sure we need another Exodus movie, but it is a good story thematically, and it stars Batman as the prophet you deserve, not the one you need right now, so here’s a TV spot for it:

  • Anything that brings more Bruce Campbell to my TV is great news even if it means subscribing to Starz.

Nerd News Roundup


Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit

Here’s a poster featuring Chris Pine, a gun, and some vaguely looking Russian minarets.

jack-ryan-shadow-recruit

Also, RIP to Tom Clancy and condolences to his family.

Avengers: Age of Ultron

Sam Jackson spills the beans that Elizabeth Olsen will be the Scarlett Witch.

”I know we’re shooting in London, that James Spader is Ultron and going to be the bad guy, and that we added Ms. [Elizabeth] Olsen [who will play the Scarlet Witch], but I don’t know what she’s doing, if she’s on the inside or the outside. I haven’t seen a script.”

Fantastic Four

The Fantastic Four movie is heading back to the writer’s room. Simon Kinberg, who penned the upcoming X-men: Days of Future Past, will be working to clean up the script.

Nerd News Roundup


Fantastic Four

Well, this should fill any fans of the comics with confidence.

Author and screenwriter Seth Grahame-Smith has done polish screenwriting work on Fox’s reboot of Fantastic Four, which Josh Trank is directing.

Grahame-Smith is the best-selling author behind Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, the latter of which was adapted by Fox last year. The multi-medium maven penned the script for the movie as well as the script for Dark Shadows, Tim Burton’s take on the 1970s vampire soap opera.

Let’s see how fans reacted:

Dr. Doom is not made of metal!!!! Argle bargle!!!

Dr. Doom is not made of metal!!!! Argle bargle!!!

Right. Moving on then, please note that when referring to the movie, it is not Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, it is Greatest American Cinematic Masterpiece both now and forever and we should all probably just stop making movies now because we can never best it: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

Amazing Spider-man 2

Here is Shailene Woodley in the first leaked set photos on the Amazing Spider-man sequel.

shailenewoodley

My only thought is I feel sorry for her because a.) she seems not to have makeup on; b.) while she is a pretty girl, this is what comic nerds see when they think of Mary Jane Watson;

Above: Mary Jane Watson; Not seen: realistic portrayal of 99.9% of women

Above: Mary Jane Watson; Not seen: realistic portrayal of 99.9% of women

and c.) anonymous internet nerds are rather vicious sometimes when they’re expectations are not met.

Organic webshooters suuuuuuck!!! Argle bargle!!!

Organic webshooters suuuuuuck!!! Argle bargle!!!

Star Wars

A brief note, reports that Simon Pegg would be involved in the Star Wars franchise are currently untrue.

Boba Fett is overratedl!!!! Argle bargle!!!

Boba Fett is overratedl!!!! Darth Vader shouldn’t be a kid!!! George Lucas raped my childhood!!!!!! Argle bargle!!!

As always news on this movie will change by the hour.

Hercules! Hercules! Hercules!

Though The Greatest American Cinematic Masterpiece both now and forever and we should all probably just stop making movies now because we can never best it: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter holds a special place in my heart, this movie may make me reconsider the title I just gave it this morning.

Brett Ratner. The Rock. Hercules.

Sweet Buddha, man. That sounds all sorts of awesomely bad. Whether or not it will rival the Rock’s own cinematic masterpiece The Scorpion King remains to be seen. But I have confidence in the Ratner.

Now if Ratner would just team up with Shatner, I think that might just topple Greatest American Cinematic Masterpiece both now and forever and we should all probably just stop making movies now because we can never best it: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter.

X-men 3 suuuuucksl!!!! Argle bargle!!!

X-men 3 suuuuucksl!!!! Argle bargle!!!

Okay, that one I agree with.

Nerd News Roundup


Fantastic Four

Matthew Vaughn is joining the Fantastic Four reboot as a producer. Vaughn was part of the duo that brought us X-men: First Class, and how neat would that be if this movie also turned into a period piece set in the Sixties?

Amazing Spider-man 2

Here’s a look at the redesigned costume. Maybe I’m not a big enough nerd, but it looks exactly like every other Spider-man costume to me.

Spiderman

Avengers 2

Joss Whedon promises Death, Death and More Death in the upcoming sequel.

International Film Festival where Whedon revealed the grim theme he has planned for the upcoming sequel The Avengers 2. When a fan asked him for an update on his next directorial effort, the filmmaker replied, “I can’t do any bigger, so I’m trying to do better.” But it was his response to the follow-up question about the film’s philosophy that has us troubled: “Death, Death and more Death!”

It’s most certainly worth noting that the rumored villain for The Avengers 2, the Mad Titan known as Thanos (the purple dude seen in the post-credits sequence of the last Marvel movie), is actually in love with a physical manifestation of Death that actually exists in the Marvel universe, but I still think we can expect that not everyone is going to make it alive out of The Avengers 2.

Since they are apparently resurrecting Agent Coulson for the S.H.I.E.L.D. TV series, maybe the entire movie will consist of the many deaths of Phil Coulson.

X-men:

Bryan Singer has heard our prayers… well, my prayers and is going to use his time travelling sequel to clean up the mess that X-men 3 left on the proverbial carpet.

 You mean, what you’re politely saying is, “fix s**t.” Is that what you’re saying? That’s what I’m hearing. [Laughing]

Maybe…
There’s going to be a little of that, a few things I can repair.

Are fans going to be pleased with these things you will be repairing?
I think so, I think so, yes.