KC: HR’s Mandatory Sexual Harassment Training Session


Noah has left the building and gone to do… whatever stuff he does… probably drink to deal with his PTSD from watching God murder the entire Earth and leave him on a boat for over a year.

Kenny tried to get them to fashion model arks and line up toy animals,

“No, children, more dead floating babies and crying women clawing at the door to the ark!”

And to think that other heroes of the faith were scheduled! Fortunately, no one knew when.

There is no partiality with God… unless you’re on the VIP list.

Ekaterina was no less wired as they walked home, unabashedly holding hands now, even in front of others.

Her College Group leader will be taking her aside to lecture her about purity and modesty and how she natural desires are sinful and wicked.

Kenny knew the news of their being an item would soon get around.

“Hey, Jerry? What are the kids using these days to say when their sweet on each other? ‘Being an item’? Nailed it!”

We shift over to Abdullah where he realizes that it’s time to seriously seek the Lord. Somehow, despite Jesus being on the Earth in a location where they know He lives, this does not involve calling Jesus up on the phone and saying, “Hey, Lord? Yeah, Abdullah here. You had an assignment for me in Jordan, right? Yeah, that’s me. Anyway, could you maybe just tell me what the assignment is? Oh… wow… okay, you know that makes a lot more sense when you just tell me instead of sending me vague telepathic commands. Ha… yeah, I flew to Europe to try to get answers…”

Meanwhile Kenny gets together with Raymie… (Jesus, what is it with the ‘E’ endings for names?) and says Qasim spilled the beans to Kat about… God, I don’t fucking care… this is like listening to Junior High gossip.

“He told her everything?” Raymie said, clearly piqued.

Kenny nodded solemnly. “I mean, she can be trusted. We’re going together now, and I trust her.”

“Going together? Since when?”

“Last night.”

“You know there are things you won’t be able to tell her, just because Qasim seems to have a big mouth.”

“I will keep all confidences, but of course the day may come when I would want to nominate her for inclusion into the Force.”

“Kenny, please. I’ve got half a mind to disband the whole thing. It’s getting out of control.

Yeah! It’s out of control! We’ve had… meetings! And… more meetings! God… all the meetings. It’s too much, I tells ya! Too much! It has to stop before people find out about the meetings!

“Hold on. I thought you said you and she were going together.”

“Right, well, their date sort of brought things to a head.”

“So last night she was out with him, and since last night she’s going with you.”

“I know how that sounds.”

“Apparently you don’t.

Raymie slut-shames Kat.

How dare a young lady go on dinner dates with more than one fella! It’s unheard of, I tells ya! Next they’ll be wearing pants and demanding the sufferage!

Fuck you, Raymie.

Raymie decides it’s time for him to tell Qasim to get lost though.

“And what if I hear from the Jospins?”

“What if you do?”

“If Qasim can be believed, they think I’m with them and working covertly at COT. Should I try to string them along?”

Raymie shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t like it. How hard would it be for them to learn how tight you are with your parents, who run the place? And what are you going to say if they ask about Qasim?”

Wasn’t the entire point of the Junior God Squad to infiltrate the Satanists and work against them? And now that the Satanists might want to talk to Kenny, Raymie is like, “Oh no, I don’t know… that might mean we have to do something besides meetings and that’s just crazy talk.”

Raymie is literally every Evangelical I’ve ever worked on a committee with.

As far as what you’d say about Qasim… well, if you want to be straightforward and convincing, I’d say, “Fuck that asshole. He tried to steal the girl I love.”

The Ekaterina Kenny walked to work Monday morning was not the same one he walked home at the end of the day. The first was her bubbly, affectionate self who said her parents had noticed their affection for each other and were most excited. The latter Ekaterina was glum.

Ladies, always be smiling. It’s what your man wants. You are not allowed to have normal human emotions.

Kenny asks what’s bothering her.

“Oh, it’s just Qasim. I teased him about missing the biggest day COT ever had, and all he wanted was to keep bugging me about going out with him again.”

Wait, so it’s literally been less than 24 hours and Qasim will not leave you alone and keeps harassing you for dates even though you’ve made your intentions clear?

That’s sexual harassment.

I know Evangelicals don’t believe in sexual harassment, but that is definitely sexual harassment.

“I told him about us, of course. He couldn’t believe that could have happened so fast. He accused you of moving in on him, undercutting him as soon as you heard about our date. I assured him I had been friends with you before him and that we hadn’t even realized how we felt about each other until later.”

“I can’t blame him for being disappointed, Kat. I was too, when I heard you were going out with him.”

“I’ve never even had a boyfriend, and now I’ve got two fighting over me.”

No, you’ve got on boyfriend and one creepy ass dude sexually harassing you. It’s time to call HR.

“Well, when my mother talks to you about the transfer, that might be a good thing to mention. You can’t be trying to work with someone who’s upset with you.”

Sexual harassment, Kenny. It’s sexual harassment. Creating a hostile work environment.

“That’s just it, Kenny. I can’t remember the last time I was out of sorts with a brother in Christ…”

Really? Because I used to go to church all the time and there were people who hated each other’s guts, gossips, backstabbing, and church politics. If you’re all normals and not zombies, seems like churches would be full of arguments. Especially if Jesus is hiding in the Temple and not saying shit.

“You want me to talk to my mother?”

“No! Kenny! How would that look?”

Like a manager who just found out that one of his employees is being sexually harassed and is taking steps to protect her and deal with the situation.

Seriously, do you guys not get sexual harassment?

But now we leave Kat because Kenny gets an email from the Jospins saying “Hi, Hail Satan, send us all your spy info.”

Kenny says, “Give me some time.”

And that’s the end of that, because God forbid anything really happen in this book.

But Kenny gets a phone call from Bahira who says her brother is upset and Kenny has to tell her about how Raymie kicked Qasim out of the Jr. God Squad that he wasn’t really a part of anyway, and now Zaki is pissed off, even though he’s an undead zombie Christian and should be above this shit. So I’m still not getting how all of this works. How is a zombie Christian different from a regular one aside from being asexual and not aging? I wish this fucking book would explain it. I mean, I understand none of this stuff about glorification makes sense if you think about it, but at least try. Try to build some rules. Try to define some attributes.

Sigh… just… TRY, DAMN IT!

Anyway, it’s the next day now and Chloe is going to talk to Kat about her transfer request because now Chloe has gotten a bad report from someone about Kat and Jesus, it’s obviously from Qasim, the guy who has been sexually harassing her, but the book is going to insult our intelligence for the next God only knows how many chapters and try to make this seem like a mystery.

…But I do need to talk with you about a work report on you from your supervisor.”

“Mattie? She sent a report on me? A good one, I hope. We’ve gotten along great.”

“Actually, it’s a troubling one, Ekaterina.”

Duh duh Duuuuuuuuuuuh… Drama! Except not. And I don’t care. Fuck you, book.

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